Goodbye First Trimester

Okay, I've been too behind and too busy to blog weekly through my first trimester, but since this week starts the second I thought I'd do a summary of the first and then do that weekly thing from now on. Maybe.

I found out when I apparently was in my late 6 weeks, having my first ultrasound at 7 weeks 2 days.

I'm using the right as my first belly shot... obviously not showing yet

(According to my ultrasound, that is. My LMP was way off due to my PCOS.)

The chest soreness was one of my warning signs that made me check if I was pregnant, but nearly went away after that. That is, they'd often be more sensitive than they normally are, but not so sensitive as to be considered "sore." A few weeks later though I could visibly see changes.

I was just ultra, ultra fatigued up until 9 weeks. Pretty much a zombie. I experienced fleeting nausea a few times a week then, but not too bad as long as I kept food on my stomach. But if I stood up for more than 5 minutes I'd be too dizzy and need to sit down. So I was basically utterly useless.

At 8 or 9 weeks eating became really hard work. I remember having to force feed myself for a while.

I think around then I also was startled by the suddenly prominent veins.

Then 9 to 11 weeks, the queasiness took over. Nearly constant. I was able to keep from actually throwing up by eating, but even when I ate I almost never wasn't queasy.

Probably 10 plus weeks, the gagging got really bad. I'd just start randomly making horrible hacking noises, sometimes with my whole body just bending over. But with great effort I kept from throwing up. But it's bad. It'd be triggered by smells (like the neighbor's cooking), sights (like food I wasn't eating), or even just words (like when someone asked me "What are you doing for lunch?" and I immediately starting gagging.) Not fun. That one still hasn't gotten better.

Acne: With my PCOS, I've always had an issue with acne... with my pregnancy it's gotten a lot worse. Ah, well. Not great, but since I *have* always had issues with it, it's something I can easily shrug off.

Frequent Urination: It was maybe slightly more frequent from the get go, but just like once more a day. But starting around 11 or 12 weeks it started to get more, I think. Still, I think compared to most pregnant women thus far, not so bad.

Cravings wise: sugar. Well from the time the queasiness came until date. Nothing makes it run away faster than sugar. Especially Tang or Sprite. But even a candy bar helps. That's my ongoing one. I've also had smaller ones for like Doritos, pizza, and burgers. Oh and KFC. And FRENCH FRIES! All junky foods. Most of the cravings don't go away until I've satisfied them.

Aversion wise: lots of meat, most Indian foods, and all Chinese food. But they're fleeting. For example, Ryan's parents took us out for Chinese one night probably week 10. I am not a big Chinese food fan anyway, but I know the items on the menu I can eat, right?... apparently not while I am pregnant. I was trying not to gag at the sight/smell of the food they were eating, and just couldn't handle eating much of what I ordered. But I took it home and put it in the fridge...

Four hours later I was devouring it and it was DELICIOUS.

Temperature control: in the early weeks, I couldn't stay cool. I was burning up... then I'd be cold. Then burning up again. Then the weather changed here into more autumn weather and suddenly I'd be freezing all the time. I'd be lying in the bed under all the covers I could find and pulling the kittens under for their body warmth (Ryan being at work since he works nights) and still be shivering for two hours before I'd finally warm up. Seriously. It was awful. I made Ryan buy a second blanket, we'd only had the one. (I'd put that blanket and like four folded sheets on me.) This went away around week 11 I think.

OH! And the MOOD SWINGS!! Horrible. Ryan can attest to that. Heck, Lydia saw it. (She mainly laughed at me, while I sobbed my heart out or whatever.)

I got my energy back week 11, but the queasiness still had me bed (or chair) ridden. But luckily when Lydia arrived for week 12, both eased up a bit. That was the best week I'd thus far, and I was able to show her around. She went out of town for a day and a half to see another friend elsewhere in India, and I basically just slept the whole time she was gone though, the fatigue coming back. But still, over all, week 12 was good.

Week 13 was the last week of the first trimester.  There's some debate on when the first trimester ends from what I've read, some people saying different days during week 13, others saying the beginning of week 14. I'm just going to go with the beginning of week 14 for ease of summary.

Week 13, Day 3. Obviously a little thicker around the middle, but
not screaming "that's a baby bump!" yet. Haha.

Lydia left on the last day of week 13, so she just missed my second trimester. I really pushed myself that last week. On the Wednesday of that week we did Agra, which was a crazy day I'll blog about later. The next day was Thanksgiving, where again I did a lot, and then ate rich foods.

So Friday, which was 13 weeks 5 days, I threw up for the first time. I tried the tricks to stave off nausea that had worked before... they failed me.

That was basically my send off from the first trimester. I continued to struggle with queasiness, but also food aversions which made it really hard to try the "keep your stomach full" trick.

Next week, once it's complete, I'll summarize week 14!

My First Thanksgiving with the Indians

Lydia and I had intended to do a few dishes in advance so Thanksgiving day wouldn't be so crazy, but Wednesday was our trip to Agra and Tuesday was a run around like crazy people day as well, so it just didn't happen.

We began cooking at 9:30 in the morning. We ate at 4:30. Our Thanksgiving menu was this:

• Turkey Casserole- I couldn't find a whole bird in India, plus I only have a convection microwave oven anyway, so we got cold cut turkey and layered it with stuffing, turkey graving, poultry seasoning and a mashed potatoes crust. 
• Sweet Potato Casserole- this is one of Lydia's family traditions, made with sweet potatoes, pineapple, and pecans and marshmellows on top (and a dash of rum... though normally they use bourbon, but we had rum.)
• Green Bean Casserole- another of Lydia's family traditions. Personally, I was planning on having green beans... but just sauteed in butter. My family isn't much for casseroles, just as we'd just make sweet potatoes like baked potatoes. We're purists. I had her substitute cream of mushroom for cream of chicken though, and I found her casserole good. (I am not a mushroom fan.)
• Mashed Potatoes- Just the simple classic.
• Stuffing- My personal Thanksgiving favorite.
• Cranberry Sauce- both her and my family do this the same way- straight from the can- though personally I have never been a fan.
• Corn- just corn kernels cooked from frozen.
• Rolls- we had planned on making these, but in the end had our friend Shushant run out for "pau", i.e. Indian dinner rolls. If we'd started in advance we'd have made them from scratch.\
• Gravy- We had to make this from a packet, since we didn't have any meat drippings.
• Pumpkin Pie- I experimented with the crust, and otherwise made it from the directions on the can of Libby's pumpkin pie filling that Lydia brought. Oh, except I substituted cream for evaporated milk since you can't find that here.

The result?

SUCCESS!

The biggest surprise? The cranberry sauce was an outstanding hit with the Indians! It was the only dish that was polished off on Thanksgiving itself.

Lydia happily took some time to teach the history of Thanksgiving to our friends (Aveek, Shushant and Anil) who were joining us for the feast. Ryan lived in America for 6 years as a kid, so it was just a history brush up for him. 

Aveek was the pickiest, but from experience I've found he's not a big fan of American food. He did like the sweet potato casserole, cranberry sauce, stuffing, and corn though.

Ryan gobbled it all up.

Anil ate most of it, though I think there were a few dishes he didn't like. He was very enthusiastic about the sweet potato casserole, I think. He also liked the pumpkin pie, the only one of the friends who did.

Shushant seemed to like everything okay, except the pumpkin pie.

Lydia said the pumpkin pie was the best pie she'd had in her life. That made me happy, as that had been one of my dishes.

I enjoyed everything except the cranberry sauce (which I've never been a fan of) and made myself a heaping plateful... which I had to break up eating since my pregnant tummy has a smaller capacity than I'm accustomed to having.

All in all it was a huge success and Lydia and I thought we pulled it off well!

One Year Ago

One year ago today I moved to India.

Ryan and I the second day after I arrived

One year ago today I was sitting on a plane, freaking out thinking, "What am I doing? I'm leaving everything I've ever known!"

One year ago today I turned to the Bible to pray through those feelings and heard God tell me, "This is not your home. The US is not your home. India is not your home."

One year ago today my heart was racing, scared of customs which was a total unknown since this was the first time I'd ever been overseas. I was so scared they'd turn me away or confiscate half my belongings when I'd brought only two suitcases and a carry-on when moving 8,000 miles away from the world I'd grown up in.

One year ago today I breezed past customs and headed to the gate, anxiously scanning the sea of Indian faces for one that I hoped was familiar.

One year ago today my heart leapt and tears pricked my eyes when I saw Ryan standing, laughing with joy and emotion, love in his eyes. I remember the feeling of seeing him, my darling Ryan, my future husband, for the very first time in person. I can never forget, and I don't know if I can describe. It was like a bubbling up, a pouring out, a spilling over. It was just love and joy and awe. It was incredible.

I looked at him and he mouthed at me, "I know!" because he did, he knew all I was feeling because he was feeling it too. Oh, how large was his smile! And his eyes shined bright with joy and tears...

I came to him and we flung our arms around each other, just riding the wave of emotions. I will never forget.

A little less than two weeks ago Ryan and I headed the airport again for the first time since then to pick up Lydia, and I was reliving it. I was playing, "Remember?" and Ryan smiled and was like "yeah"... He also will never forget.

One year. One incredible year.

About three months after arriving, I married Ryan.

About three months after marrying Ryan, we got our own apartment, the very first apartment of our own for both of us.

About three months after getting our own place, though we didn't know it at the time, God blessed us with the blossoming of a new life, our first child.

Now it's three months later again, and I'm sitting here wondering what God's got in store for us next. Lydia is lying on the couch talking with her mom. She leaves in like 36 hours. It's been amazing to see her and also a whirlwind. Hosting is time consuming. But I have a ton to blog about after she leaves!

God is amazing. He is the author of this incredible story I'm living.

One year ago today a new chapter started, and I am grateful.

So Excited!!!!

Today Lydia arrives!!!!!

I moved to India almost a year ago, and she'll be the first person from home I'll have seen in that time. She's bringing me a ton of goodies from family and friends and of course, she's bringing her company! It's going to be SO GOOD to see her!! She'll be here for me through Thanksgiving.

Additionally, I'm 12 weeks pregnant today! They say 12 weeks is when your risk of miscarriage goes way down, though it's been steadily dropping. There's never no risk, but it's good to know it's really low now.

We're off to the airport to pick up Lydia. Her visit may inspire a bunch of posts, or it may keep me too busy, I'm not sure... we'll see...

Excited!!

First Appointment

First I was trying to figure out how far along I was. When we'd made the appointment, we didn't really know and guessed but told her I had PCOS and would probably need an ultrasound to find out. I'd actually been told this by doctor's before. That is, that if I ever got pregnant, I would definitely need an ultrasound to find out because I have such a history of irregular periods.

Actually I'd had a "one day" period during my dengue fever that I had thought was light and shortened due to being so ill, but now obviously I realized it was spotting. And thinking of it as spotting, I looked up when implantation bleeding happens (around 4 weeks usually) and that'd make me about 7-8 weeks pregnant. But I also could have just spotted due to the stress of being so sick. I knew I had to be at least 5 weeks to have such a dark line on my pregnancy test, probably further along. So I was guessing I was between 5-8 weeks pregnant.

All the online due date calculators wanted the date of the first day of your last period. I tried to remember when it was, but was having trouble. I'm not one of those organized people who marks it down. Then I recalled I had grumbled about it on facebook chat with a friend and I searched the chat history and got a date... way farther away then I thought.

According to my LMP (last menstrual period) I would have been 10 weeks, 5 days at the first appointment. But we already knew that might be way off, since I have historically irregular periods and women with PCOS can really ovulate at any time, or even not at all (though obviously I had) so the common LMP due date predictors were likely not accurate.. though they could be.

So here I was anywhere from 5-10 weeks pregnant... probably 7-10 weeks I thought. And while it'd been like an electric shock to think I was 10 weeks along, I began to get attached to the idea. Because if I was 10 weeks along, then my miscarriage risk would have already dropped considerably, and a few weeks difference wasn't going to make a huge difference in how prepared we'd be...

So anyway, we went to the doctor. I was very nervous and excited. I'd talked to her on the phone and she'd implied I'd get to have an ultrasound. She also said I'd do a blood test and an exam.

I came with a huge list of my health risks/concerns and questions. She seemed amused by it, but also told me she liked it. I also had important information to give her, like my blood type is negative and Ryan's is positive, I have hypothyroidism, and of course my history of PCOS issues. She seemed impress by how much weight I had lost and gave me a sample diet to follow only said because of my PCOS to substitute less carbs and gave me a caloric goal to aim for... which was sooo much higher than I was used to due to heavy dieting lately that it was hard to fathom eating that much, I admit.

She didn't do an in depth exam, but she did it cursory. She gaves us some prescriptions. Then she asked me if I was fasting. I told her no (it was already 11am I think) and she said she wanted me to do the blood test fasting so gave us the order to get it done another day.

We had to wait and move locations, but we got to do the ultrasound. I've had very unpleasant experiences with transvaginal ultrasounds so I'd asked for a transabdominal one and she had had no problem with that but has just asked I drink a lot of fluid before hand, which I had. I was fit to burst.

I had been TERRIFIED of a miscarriage, which is why we hadn't gone to my old OB GYN who was

our little one's heartbeat, a strong 153

out of town. It hadn't helped that an internet friend had recently had a miscarriage in which she had had  no external signs but had just gone for an ultrasound and found no heartbeat. So I was really nervous about that. Well, we went to do the ultrasound and the image popped up and there was a baby and she was pointing it out and I was like, "Is there a heartbeat?!?"

"Yes, relax Mommy."

And I did. And she flipped a switch or hit a button or something and suddenly we could hear the heartbeat. And Ryan was going, "oh wow, oh wow."

I'd already been feeling symptoms. That's why I had taken the test. So while I was nervous about miscarriage, I was 100% I was pregnant. I could feel the difference in my body, plus we'd gotten two positives and I knew false positives are extremely rare. But Ryan had convinced himself that there was a chance the positives might be errors and my symptoms were in my head... but now he knew without a doubt he was really going to be a dad!

Our "little blob"

From then on my head I was calling the baby, "My little blob." Because at 7 weeks, 2 days, which was how big our little blob was measuring, we couldn't really see any details on he/she. But that heartbeat was a good strong beat for his/her age.

I was a little disappointed not to be 10 weeks a long, as I saw it as three less weeks to worry. BUT that made the bleeding during dengue implantation bleeding. And if I was only just implanting during the dengue, and the baby had obviously survived, I doubted that it was big enough for the dengue to have had any lasting impact on it or its health. Which was good, and consistent with what I'd read. In the first trimester dengue either causes miscarriage or it doesn't, and doesn't really have any other big effect.

We went home and Ryan was back in shock. I was glowing. I looked at the sample diet she gave us... and laughed because it was nonsense to me. lol. That is, it was a bunch of Indian foods I'd never heard of... and I had thought I knew lots of Indian by now! Ryan tried to tell me what some of it was, but he was shrugging at some of it as well. I decided since I had been nearly eating half of what the new recommended calorie dosages were, I'd just focus on eating more and trying to eat healthy. I figured come the second trimester I'd try to keep track of my calorie intake to make sure I was both eating enough and not eating too much, since despite my weight loss I'm still firmly in the "obese" category. Until then I wouldn't worry about it.

That's pretty much that story!

An Actual Published Post

Apparently I've written 5 partial drafts of blog posts that are yet unpublished in the past 10 days. And you know, I actually want to finish them and post them!

Yet I also don't want to keep you waiting and waiting for a new post, and I'm just not in the right place to sit down to polish one of them off. But I do want you to realize that I have not forgotten this blog in the slightest, I'm just having a hard time focusing enough to finish what I'm starting. Hmm. Let's blame it on pregnancy brain, okay? That sounds good. Haha.

Lydia is coming in less than a week, so that is super exciting.

Apparently my pregnancy symptoms think it's super funny to act as if they're easing up and then whammy me. This morning was the worst as far as "morning sickness" goes... I say it in quotes because I've been blessed in that I've not actually thrown up yet. (Well I threw up during dengue, but that's also a symptom of the dengue, and I didn't know I was pregnant then.) But I've had near non-stop queasiness somedays, and had to run to the toilet *thinking* it'd get worse several times. This morning I spit up a little. But the whole "keep something on your stomach" trick is working for me and keeping it from accelerating. The issue is sometimes when my stomach is empty enough to feel sick the thought of eating something is enough to make me start retching. So the trick is grab something quick and shove it in my mouth *without* giving it much thought. Sigh.

I also dizzy, fatigued, and on and on. And gosh, these pregnancy emotions are overwhelming. Any tiny emotion I feel because magnified to crippling level. At first, Ryan was taking me seriously and getting angry at me and I was really upset about that because I knew the hormones weren't allowing me to be rational and it seemed unfair to hold me to a normal person standards... now Ryan is apt to laugh at me if I start crying and say, "I think your hormones are acting up again." I much prefer this though, as bad as laughing at me sounds. Better to laugh than be angry!

Vex has entered puberty. Luckily Princess has not, as Vex has been chasing her around dry humping her and biting her neck. She thinks it's just a stupid game so far, thank goodness. We're taking Vex to the vet in the morning. We'd like to get him neutered now, but the vet wants to see him first for an office visit, then schedule it. We were going to take him on Tuesday but I was too exhausted and Ryan didn't want to go alone so we re-scheduled. We're praying Princess doesn't enter heat before we get the snipping done. (We just don't have it in the budget to get them both done this month, so Vex first.)

That's probably a good summary of what's been going on. Hope to do the write up on our first appointment at the ob gyn before my second one, which is approaching. I also am going to write about Diwali and have a few more things in the works.

Love to you all!

Frost

The cold is creeping in.

A view from my parents back side yard,
around this time of year in America

It's funny, it's not really cold at all for what I've known all my life. But my blood really thinned this summer. I remember realizing how acclimated I was getting when one day in the heart of summer I woke up saying "Wow, it's so comfortable! It's cool!" and I looked at the temperature... and it was like 93 or something.

So now I'm shivering and it's 70s during the day and 60s at night. Now, part of this is definitely the pregnancy, as feeling the hot or cold acutely is a symptom. But also, I'm thinking how cold this winter will be if my body doesn't adjust soon! However, since the summer was such a crazy adjustment, surely my body is up for a much more moderate one? Last year's low was 32 degrees, which happened just once over night, and that was in January so I have a while before it gets that low.

I got online and checked my inbox, all shivery as I did, and I get these devotionals emailed to me daily. And today it was talking on God as the Master Gardener, tending the spiritual garden. This has me automatically thinking about what I wrote this February about being pruned. It was a definite divine revelation type thing that let me know pruning was what was happening.

In this devotional today it mentioned other activities of the Master Gardener including "protecting from frost." And I'm not sure yet if that is exactly what was is going on or if the only reason it resonated with me was because I'm so chilly, but it did resonate with me.

My mom actually is a Master Gardener, she took courses and everything and she's been a devoted gardener all my life and I remember her protecting plants from frost. She'd bring the ones in pots in, so our home would be temporarily invaded by a vast number of plants my mom would happily name if I asked while looking at me like "Haven't you picked this up yet by now?" She didn't normally keep houseplants. I remember elephant's ears in particular for some reason. She had these black ones and if they got nipped at all by the frost they'd start dropping their large black leaves all over.

She'd also go out and cover some plants. I remember her throwing blankets of the hydrangeas and putting plastic sheeting over other plants. I don't remember what was what. I remember once or twice she made me help her because she'd just seen the frost as such a sudden thing rolling in if we didn't get out there and save stuff it'd die.

And so just like when I was dwelling on the metaphor of pruning so many months ago I really began thinking "What would it be like to be a plant being protected from frost?" My first thought was dark. Covered up, out of the air you're used to being around. A little warmer, but stuffy. The plants being brought inside probably feel displaced. They'd likely rather be outside, but they don't know that outside is now a dangerous place for them.

Plants don't really think, so far as I know, but I do know they look for optimal conditions. You see this in how they follow the sun, for example. You don't pull in a plant when frost is already getting it; well perhaps you do, but a perfect Gardener like God wouldn't. You'd save it in advance of the danger. But that means that the plant likely wouldn't be able to recognize the inside of the house or under the blanket as the preferable place. It'd rather be outside, soaking up the last rays as the sun sets behind the horizon...

One of my mom's gardens

Yet tucked away, in a foreign and stuffy place, there is safety. In the morning the Gardener would come and take off the cover, but if the cold snap continues, put it back over it again in the evening. So it could seem like a constant roller coaster of conditions, wearing it out, but not killing it the way the frost would.

Another thing happens during the frost. In searching on how gardeners handle this I was reading people warning others about certain plants, saying cover up if it gets really cold, but don't take them in... otherwise they won't be fruitful. Some plants need the cold in order to prompt the blossoms the next year that lead to a fruitful season. I actually read in some plants not getting a frost at all can result in consecutive years of fruitlessness. Yet, being exposed to the brunt of the cold may kill it outright.

I desire to be fruitful again. I do think I bore fruit (which came through Christ alone, I just bore it as a branch, He is the vine) and that's why I was pruned. And I do think my little tender shoot of a branch is growing back... slowly, weakly. I don't feel the fire I used to feel, but I know my heart hasn't changed. It's a heart God put in me, and I believe He preserves it. I'm just trusting Him. I'm not sure if it's a frost season now or if that's just the fancifulness of a chilly pregnant woman, but regardless the season in the spiritual garden, I know He knows what He's doing. He cares for me, and I must trust Him.