Monday, March 13, 2017
Actually I have a problem in that I'm very attracted to over achievers. I think I have an over achiever's heart. I was a straight A student when I was like 14-15, but when I was 16 I got depressed and basically that's what I've realized: when I try to hard to achieve, I lose it. So I'm not a 'type A'. If I "strive for excellence" always, I have nothing left to actually be excellent.
Christians often use verses like this one to basically say that if something isn't pinterest perfect it's not pleasing to God:
"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
- 1 Corinthians 10:31
There's pressure in that: God is perfect. If I do something, and it's not perfect, how can it glorify God?
And I think that when someone is pleased with humble doings, other Christians will look down their nose at them, that they're not doing something 'excellent.' They steal joy, and that's what I mean by ruin everything.
This is especially true among Christian women.
But you know what? God is God and God knew we'd do that. That's why He gave us the following story:
Now, I know we can find God in the mundane (I love Brother Lawrence.) But God included that story for a reason. I honestly think most of the women movers and shakers in church are Marthas and they have, I've witnessed and experienced, discourage the Marys.
Now Jesus wasn't saying that the 'preparations' weren't important. But learning from Jesus is most important.
It's okay if your house is messy if your spirit is ordered.
I feel like the Marthas would respond: you can have a clean house and an ordered spirit. Well, some people can. But sometimes, you can't. We have 24 hours in any day, and you need sleep. Sometimes, you really can't have a clean house and an ordered spirit. And one is more important.
It's okay if you take time to complete a project, or even realize you need to drop it for a while, if you are investing your time in things that are eternal. What's eternal? God, and people. Period. Go back to the most important commandments: Love God. Love People. Also, the new commandment: Love your brothers and sisters in Christ.
Nothing else has eternal value.
Yes, the Bible says:
"You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
But there's two points: it says "be" perfect, not "do perfect things." There is a MAJOR difference in being and doing. God wants us to be, not just do. If you don't understand, ask God to teach you more.
And secondly, you need context. That verse in context:
That verse isn't about doing perfect things at all. It's a reflection on loving others, on not showing favoritism and only being nice to people you like. That is being perfect. Loving is being perfect.
So don't let the pinterest Type As get you down.
Choose the more important.
It won't be taken from you.
Thursday, February 2, 2017
I keep writing occasionally. I've started many blog posts in the past few weeks and published none. It's not writer's block. I have thoughts. It's anxiety. It's "do I really want to put this out there?" and the answer is "maybe? I don't know."
I had severe depression for about 8 weeks. It was a relief when I figured out why. I thought it was from personal drama and the election and seasonal affectiveness disorder exasperated by pregnancy and all that probably contributed. However, I am used to getting SAD each year and that just generally produces a lethargy and slight sadness. My coping mechanisms for dealing with external stressors, like turning to God, wasn't helping me shake off the depression at all either. I eventually realized it had a more biological origin. It started in early November and continued until around the New Year. The last week I was weeping daily and going into rages at the drop of a hat. I was facing the reality that I needed help... and then I heard a podcast on how breastfeeding works. And it dawned on me that my milk had dried up, slowly, in November. Dreamer had continued to try to nurse for a few weeks but finally gave up trying the week before Christmas. Lactating requires high amounts of oxytocin and prolactin. Oxytocin is a feel good hormone, and prolactin relaxes us and helps us deal with stress. So basically my levels of both of those were plummeted to their lowest levels in literal years. So it dawned on me that my hormones were just taking a few weeks to level out (which considering I'd nursed so long combined with having a hormone disorder and being pregnant... makes sense.)
Sure enough I'm on an upswing again, but I am still having difficulty getting words out.
The Lord has been faithful. Of course. He can be nothing less. I'd been leading a Bible Study and even when I was exhausted and barely took but a few minutes to prepare a study He was obviously working in the verses I picked and the themes. It was Him doing the work, not me, 100%. And even though I've been depressed I knew any failing was obviously mine, not His.
I have been struggling to be faithful to Him. I definitely feel that "our good works are but filthy rags" kind of thing lately. God told me to write a book a long time ago now and well, I haven't. I have started so many times but keep struggling and I feel like I am being such a failure. I think a lot of why I have barely been blogging not just the past two months but the past year is guilt over this book: if I have it in me to write, I should be working on that. I feel disobedient, but I also am struggling so much to find the time and space to write. Dreamer is very much a toddler. If I pull out my laptop, she pounds on it and tries to distract me because what she wants is all of Mommy, you know? The only reason you're reading this is I have gone back to it several times, working on it in bursts. Right now I'm hearing "I need crayons!" I guess she's gotten tired of play dough...
I am 28 weeks pregnant now. Baby is kicking like crazy. I'm starting to nest, I rearranged furnitur and feel soooo dissatisfied with the cleanliness of our home right now but I am trying not to overdo it, as I am prone to do. I am inertia. When I get going, I stay going and tend to wipe myself out. When I am at rest, I find it so hard to get going. I swing from activity extremes and find it very difficult to ever be balanced. But I am trying. At this time last pregnancy I was on bed rest so I am nervous of something going wrong. With Dreamer I bled at 25 weeks and so for the past two weeks it's been in the back of my mind.
Actually I'm getting pregnant enough that it was hard to stay out the other day. We were out of the house most of the day and Dreamer was being, well, a toddler. Running around and crazy, had a couple tantrums we had to address. I was exhausted halfway through the day, which is not typical of me. It was because my hips hurt and for the first time this pregnancy I think I felt blood starting to pool in my feet. It was startling! I turned to Ryan and told him, "oh, I guess I'm getting to that part of the pregnancy!" and laughed about it... it wasn't until I got home that it hit me the reason it startled me is because I didn't get to this point last pregnancy.
Since I was on bed rest at this point last time I had stayed off my feet from 25 weeks until 37 weeks and of course I felt that way at 37 weeks but I expected it then. Though truthfully I had never gotten to a point where I was like "get this baby out" with Dreamer because I had spent several months thinking "baby, stay in and grow!" So when my water broke I was shocked because I had assumed she wouldn't come before I had gotten to that mindset. However feeling how uncomfortable I was yesterday I am thinking maybe I'll get to that mindset before this pregnancy is over, haha. For now I was saying to Ryan's parents maybe we should take Dreamer to the zoo next weekend before I get too pregnant to even consider an outing like that.
I am not promising to blog more this time, because every time I do, I break my promise. But I do promise to try. Love to you all.
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Yesterday my parents had to put my beloved dog Sophie to sleep.
I have literally cried multiple times already over the results of this election. I have a brown husband and brown children and I am so upset.
Yes, I said children. I am 16 weeks pregnant with #2 and that's good. He or she is kicking a lot.
Dreamer has been sick for two weeks now, though she's on the med after getting some medicine.
The pollution in this area is scarily bad we've spent most of the last week holed up in the apartment with the doors and windows closed and the air purifier on.
Crazily India decided to do away with 500 and 1000 rupee notes overnight. We're not really effected by that but it was shocking.
It seems like the whole world is going topsy turvy and I don't know what to do. Except pray. Which is powerful.
Love to all.
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Sunday, September 11, 2016
|Dreamer with "Kitty"|
Having a two year old, play is getting more and more important. Every parent knows that kids love their toys! This is a really great list on a good variety of types of toys. Of course, development also matters. It's good to look at a resource like this one from National Association for the Education of Young Children that lists good toys for different stages.
Dreamer rarely goes anywhere without a stuffed animal, usually her sidekick "Kitty." As my mother put it, Kitty is her "lovey." She's also very fond of several other toys as well, but Kitty is the constant.
She also enjoys coloring and playing with stickers. Additionally she likes using a set of plastic letters that my sister gave her as well. Choosing good toys for toddlers often has to do with providing a variety of activities and toys, to stimulate different skills and ideas.Especially because their attention spans aren't very long yet.
|Dreamer also has this purple octopus!|
Of course, being a toddler she also loves to just run around. We play a game she calls "running" which seems to be a combination of tag and hide and seek, just with no real rules. She'll come up to me with big cute eyes and tug on my clothes saying, "Mommy, running? Running?" She also loves to play with a variety of balls. She has several in different sizes and gets very particular about which one she wants to play with, varying it each time.
What kind of toys do your kids like?
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Tuesday, September 6, 2016
This blog has been with me through three jobs and so much unemployment, the inauguration of my relationship with Ryan, the move to India, my marriage, our move to our own place, the birth of our daughter... this is a very long relationship! And even though, just like often happens with friends when kids comes along I haven't been spending as much time with you, I do still value having you in my life.
So here's to 8 years and more!
Friday, August 26, 2016
Princess likes to jump up on the hot water heater in our bathroom. Dreamer today stood below her saying, "Kitty, get down. Living room. Come on!" and other encouragements to lure Princess.
It didn't work.
Dreamer's declaration to me when I emerge from the shower, which she very well knew I was in considering she'd been coming in and out to see me during it:
"There you are, my baby, there you are!"