Tuesday, September 2, 2014

5 Things You Would Hope to be Remembered for

Day 30: List 5 things you would hope to be remembered for.

Well, I'll start with Dreamer. I hope to infuse her with the love and wisdom God's given me so that she can change the world in the way He plans for her purpose.

Next I admit I hope I'll be able to make an impact with my writings. Maybe even this blog.

I hope my family and friends will remember me as someone who was loving and kind. I hope I can make a positive impact on them.

And lastly, even though it's only four, I want to end with the fact that it doesn't really matter if I'm remembered. When I was a child I remember I desperately wanted to be famous. I also remember having one of those "Wow, only God could have transformed me so much" moments in college when I was walking in this graveyard near the school and I was reading inscriptions and I realized that it didn't really matter what my grave said. That is, I didn't care if my name was gone from human history, not really, but I wanted Christ to shine through. So if my grave only said "A Christian" that would be enough for me. It was a pretty big moment to realize that Christ had changed that part of me. But honestly it doesn't really matter if I'm remembered. But He must be. He alone is eternal, and the only part of me that will endure is the part that's made one with Him, so that it won't really be me that's remembered anyway, it will be all Christ. 

And I can say that with great joy. Alleluia!

This is the last of the 30 questions, and my blogoversary is coming up, and I'm going to be changing things up a bit again. :)

Friday, August 29, 2014

What Do People Misunderstand the Most About You?

Day 29: What do you think people misunderstand the most about you?

Hmm. I've actually been thinking about some things people misunderstand about me lately. Had some revelations... but I think those are for another post. I think I'll address a misunderstanding that seems to come up over and over again over the years. I admit, I'm frustrated by it.

I get accused of being extremely defensive. Now, I can be defensive, so it's not a totally invalid accusation. But the issue is that often times I'm accused of this when I'm not feeling at all defensive. Instead, I'm simply explaining myself. The reason this is so frustrating and painful is it usually happens with people I'm close to and it feels like a form of rejection.

I'll explain.

Someone will come to me about an action or stance of mine. I will see that they don't understand why I did it or said it and so, if they are someone I want to have a better relationship with, I will explain myself. If they are someone I just have a passing acquaintance with, I'll typically just let it be. But if I want them to understand me, I will open up to them and let them in on why and how I came to whatever it is we're discussing. Often I'm not even defending it. I might agree with them it was wrong and am simply explaining to them how I came to do whatever it was, revealing the thoughts or emotions that lead up to it, so that they can know me on a deeper level. It's a relational thing for me, opening up and being vulnerable.

And then they say "You're so defensive!" and shut down on me. 

It hurts. 

I feel like I'm like "Here, let me show you into my heart and mind, I'll open up and be vulnerable to you" and they respond by saying "GAH I don't have time to care about or try to understand you, I just want you to get with the program and do what I want." It cuts deep. 

As I said, if it's someone I don't care about deepening the relationship with, I don't bother doing this. I can give short and sweet answers, but only when I have a shallow relationship with them. Because of that even when the person I care about has made it clear they'd prefer I not open up, to do so seems like a retreat from them emotionally, to go from deep to shallow. So I struggle with doing it because it feels passive aggressive and angry. And also I feel like, knowing why and how my emotions are behind explaining myself so they'll understand me that if they really do prefer that I don't do it, my feelings of rejection and not being appreciated will be validated and our relationship will genuinely take a step back. So in relationships I really care about, I typically don't step back, even when it seems to annoy the other person, because to do so would feel like relegating the loved one to the role of a business associate or acquaintance and it'd break my heart. So I struggle in this place between wanting to do for them what they ask and feeling like if I do, they'll show they don't really understand and love me.... 

It's an angsty thing.

Again, this misunderstanding seems to keep coming up and I struggle on how to fix it. Thus far I have not. But it feels good to write it out!

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

What's Your Love Language?

Day 28: What is your love language?

Well based on Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages I have three.

Most people speak one or two. I took their quiz and my top with a 9 was a tie: Touch and Quality Time. But then coming directly behind with an 8 was Words of Affirmation. (The other two were nowhere close: Gifts was a 3 and Acts of Service only a 1.) 

Ryan and I are very blessed in that his top two love languages are also Quality time and Touch! He has to remember sometimes not to neglect my Words of Affirmation, and of course we have some personality differences on what feels like "quality time" for us individually, but we really are quite blessed, it's extremely rare to match so well. 

Monday, August 25, 2014

Three Months!

Can you believe it? She's a quarter of a year old!! Craziness!

We took her in for her three month check up. She's now 12 pounds (5.45 kg) and 22.1 inches long (56.2cm.) More than double her birth weight, two months early! She's been concentrating very hard on growth!

Three months is a milestone month in babies. It's when you're suddenly allowed to do some more stuff with them, like take her in her stroller. This is because they now have better head control, which is true of her. I haven't actually taken her anywhere in her stroller yet, but we do have one and I'd like to do that one day this week.

ignore the drool spot. 
She likes tummy time and is even making progress learning to crawl. No, I'm not saying she's crawling yet, but she's experimenting with moving her arms forward and kicking her feet. She's just way more energetic in general and is trying to wiggle a lot.

I left her on the middle of the bed while I was doing something else, still in the bedroom, with her diaper open. Airing her out, you understand. Her diaper was under her, so she wouldn't make a mess.. I look up and her little bottom is now about 8 inches to the right of her diaper! She'd just wiggled (not rolled) herself that far. Her head was nearly in the same place though.

That's not to say she's not turning. Ryan said he found her on her belly the other day. And she's been able to turn onto her side from the day she was born. However, she seems to be more interested in trying to crawl and in just wiggling then she is in rolling as a form of transportation.

She loves her mobile and is very interactive now. Each morning when I wake up and turn the light on
she greets me with an ear to ear grin, happy to see her Mommy. Her favorite songs are "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" and "You Are My Sunshine." She demands to be the center of attention when she's awake, very rarely calmly entertaining herself. She wants me to dance for her, dance around with her in my arms, etc. Before now she's been a very calm, undemanding baby but apparently such things can't last forever...

in her baby dedication outfit
She is sucking on her hands a lot, so we have tried to introduce a pacifier. I had tried to see if she wanted one at six weeks or so, but she rejected it. This time she accepted it, but she only likes it if I hold it in her mouth for her. She tries to hold it in herself, but doesn't have the coordination yet. She's getting close though. It's no big deal if she never takes it (I didn't use one as a baby) but since she will cry for something to suck on and is trying to suck her thumb, I figure it might better. Recent studies have shown modern pacifiers do not damage teeth, but thumb sucking does. Also babies who sleep with pacifiers have a lowered SIDS risk for some reason. It is no big deal if she doesn't accept it, but if she does, it won't harm her any.

Normally she screams bloody murder during her baths, but today, for the very first time she bathed without screaming. She wasn't enjoying it either, but I'll take it!!

She's getting a bit stranger shy. Not very, but she definitely prefers me the most and often no one else will do, not even Ryan. She also seems to get overwhelmed when we take her out sometimes. I've been going out with her on more days then we stay in lately, and we're realizing I need to limit how long she stays out each day for now. She can handle maybe four hours a day out, perhaps five, but more than that (even if not consecutive) and she has a melt down from over stimulation.

She still loves her swing. Today she had a poopy blowout while I was setting her into her swing just after I woke up and so I had to wash the swing. The cloth part of the swing comes off easily to be washed in the washing machine, so no big deal except I don't really have a good alternative place to put her. Consequently she kept crying unless I was holding her and I didn't get a lot done today. It's hot and dry, which in many ways is bad but means that her swing cover didn't take long to dry and she's currently happily back in it.

She also loves the ergo and we like to go on walks together. I have also realized that if I leave her in the ergo when I go places she will be like five times calmer than if I take her out when I get there, like when I go to someone's house or a Bible Study. At her grandparent's house of course the main reason we are there is for them to interact with her, so I have to take her out as soon as we get there. The consequence of that however is she's the most cranky at her grandparents of anywhere else. I am sure that will change in time though.

She's apparently the elusive true to size baby and has basically outgrown her "0-3" month clothes and is now "3 months" size. "3-6 months" is still too big, just slightly.

That's pretty much how she is right now!

Friday, August 22, 2014

Your Favorite Body Part and Why

Day 27: What is your favorite part of your body and why?

This is a tough one, and in a good way. I'm fairly happy enough with a multitude of features so there's not just one standout. 

But since I'm cuddling Dreamer, I'm going to pick my uterus. Yep, I might not always get along with it but how amazing that it housed this growing baby and brought her to the point she could live outside me? Incredible! 

Uterus for the win. :)
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