Okay, I might still be hormonal but I'm not in the whiny phase of a week ago (my last post).
Today I cleaned. And it was good.
I moved home after graduating college in May. I am not unpacked. I do not have a room.
When I went to college over four years ago, I hadn't cleaned my room out, I had just taken what I was taking. It also had a lot of my older sister's stuff, which she left when she went to college two years previous. Since then my parents have continually piled things in there they didn't have another place to put-- from Christmas ornaments to clothes they weren't wearing. As well as a lot of furniture. So the room had, oh, at minimum three times as much stuff in it as it should, which things piled upon each other... and none of that being the stuff I had with me at college in the dorm!
So when I came home I tried to clean the room out, but didn't get that far. I probably got about 25% of the junk out. But then...
Well, so for the past five months I've been sleeping on the couch and living out of boxes or off the floor (such as putting my clothes on the floor because I don't have a dresser). It's kind of getting old.
So now I need to clean out of that room.
One of the biggest headaches is the location of the room. You have to walk through other rooms to get to it... and those rooms are also too full of stuff.
Also I just don't know what to do with stuff! There's lots of clothes, but most of it is not in 'give away' condition-- but I have to go through it and wash it all and decide... and I don't have the authority to give away my sisters or parents' clothes so I have to run it by them.
There are a TON of papers from my childhood which take me hours to look through because they're memories. Much of it I'd be willing to get rid of, but I have to take the time to make sure I'm willing.
And there are toys: do I keep? Do I box up carefully for my kids/ nieces/ self someday? Do I give away?
And the biggest (figuratively) problem is the actual "junk". Weird things that have found their way in there as it became a storage room because no one knew what else to do with it. And I don't either. Most of it is stuff you don't want to throw away but ideally everything is supposed to "have a place" so everything can be in its place. But these are things that you're just not sure where they're supposed to be. I can't think of a specific example, but this is at least a quarter of the stuff.
And then biggest (literally) problem is the furniture, which simply is big. There are four beds in there-- the twin my sister slept on, the queen I slept on until I went to college, the king my parents just stopped using because they bought a new one, and the full sized futon mattress is AWESOME but the futon frame broke. There are two dressers, two desks, two chairs for the desks, little tables, and shelving.
Some of this stuff I will keep in the room. Some of this stuff I will give away. Some will go in storage. Some just needs to be thrown out.
So it's going to be difficult... PLUS, that's all talking about what is in my room. It's not mentioning the boxes in my dining room, living room, and still in my parent's cars because I don't have a place to put the stuff yet.
See my parents are re-doing the front room floors. So we need to find a place for my things. To my parents, who have been waiting to do this project, the priority is not my room. It's their rooms. As far as they're concerned I should clear out enough of my room to put my stuff in-- but that's it. It's probably going to take at least two weeks to clean/rearrange my room, if I work as much as I can stand. But they don't want to wait... and they're paying me.
I've been out of work for over a month now. It's kind of driving me mad. I'm still employed, but not working. We were supposed to have a two week break-- like an unpaid vacation-- between studies. But it keeps getting bigger and bigger.
And I can't pay my bills. So my parents are paying me to tear up the linoleum and such. Which is great...
But it means that that project gets a greater priority than my room, especially in their eyes. My next bill due date is in just a week.
But I honestly believe I should get my room first-- completely cleaned, not halfway. Not only am I sick of living in clutter-- living in the living room has not allowed the living room to stay pretty-- but also because I'm a messy person so I deserve to start out with a clean slate since it's a battle against clutter with me anyway. I don't want to lose the battle before I begin!
I'm excited thinking of turning my room into my own "apartment"-- minus kitchen and bathroom. But unlike in a dorm I will have a kitchen I can use, and I don't have to carry mys stuff in a caddy to the bathroom. I want to get a used futon and put our good mattress on it, or buy a loveseat for my room. A good investment b/c I hope to move out in the next year or two and will need living room stuff anyway. I have a dvd player, though, my tv broke. But my dad is looking to buy a new tv. Then he's going to put the old tv from the living room in my parents room and the tv from my parents room in my room. Then I'll have my bed, one dresser, one desk, and shelves. I'm not sure what else or if I'll leave it at that. But I'm having fun with the though process.
And once I have my room I want to have a social life where I can have people over.
Of course, my younger sister will have to keep her room clean so people can walk through it...
Actually, honestly, I'd love to clean out the garage first, so that we'd have a place to put stuff when I clean out my room. Then I can put my stuff from the dorm that's making the front rooms dirty into my room. Then I can clear out the front room so we can tear the floors out...
But, my parents have been waiting and waiting for the money for this project. And now they have it. And I think they'll want to start soon.
So we'll see...
BUT overall, I'm cheerful. I'm looking forward to and feeling optimistic about how this all is going to go!
My goal is by Christmas to have the floors in, my room done, and have people over! That's my goal date!
SO I have been having a social meltdown for the past few weeks... and while my mom sympathizes a little, she says "you go out with Tabitha"... and I did. Three times I think, in the past month.
Considering, except going on the training days with Lydia, and a few things with church, that's probably all I've done socially...
I'm used to college. At college not only did I live with my best friends, and ate meals with them daily, I also was involved in fencing club, the newspaper, different things in the theatre department, went to like four religious activities a week (now I'm lucky if I can get a ride to church twice a month), was in leadership positions and part of the presidential council of organizations... just tons of stuff. Plus I took classes.
And here a typical day consists of: Wake up. Eat cereal. Pet dog. Watch tv shows. Eat lunch of some sort. Watch tv. Do something else with dog. Watch tv. Feed dog. Eat dinner. Watch tv.Let dog outside. Watch tv. Go to bed.
I know I'm watching too much tv, but there's not much else to do. We don't even have cable. My dog is the only thing keeping me sane. I do get online, but since we have dial up I'm rarely online during daytime hours (we don't have a separate connection).
I admit that I'm falling to the sin of envy when I look at my friends lives. They have careers they care about. They have licenses. They are involved in their community. They have a community!
It's not good. Not good at all...
BUT I'm cleaning now. I don't like to clean. In fact, I hate to clean. But idleness is bad. So I'm trying!!!
I love God and I think He wants me to help my parents with the house.
Doing something is great.
But doing something with no support that is WAY too big for you is NOT fun and often times impossible because you lose heart.
But I think it's doable this time...
Or, at least I'm telling myself that!! :)
Thank you God for this blog. And Thank you for the thought that someone actually cares enough to read this... lol...