This is a post dated blog post. That is, I'm actually writing this in 2011, as I'm getting ready for my 200th blog post. I've been going through my old blog entries and decided I wanted to tell what happened with Eric, but decided not to tell it and have it post in my current time because I don't want to draw attention to it. For one, I've moved past Eric. And God is glorified through this story...but I look pretty stupid.
On Friday, June 12, 2009 I was contacted by someone using Eric's contact information telling me Eric had died. I kind of went numb. The person told me they were a friend of Eric's, a fellow soldier, and he'd talked of me often. They said he was about to get out of the duty and go start a life with me and was killed trying to save someone. And that someone else would be in touch with me, they were sure.
I was just in shock, I didn't really examine what I was told. When the person left, I went and sobbed in my mother's arms.
It was a Friday I found out. It was a dark, horrible weekend. On Sunday, I went online and searched for anything, everything that the internet had to offer.
But I found nothing.
Which seemed quite wrong. Eric had told me he was involved in secretive stuff, but even if his name wasn't listed, a mention of the incident that killed him should be, right?
I typed in his name in google and searched...
And found something.
Now, you have to understand, I'd googled his name soo many times had had never found anything worth mentioning.
But I found a girl's blog where she talked about him. And it was old... in fact, it was from earlier in our relationship. That is Eric was with this girl at the same time as me. Furthermore, she was also engaged to him.
I felt raw and betrayed.
I now knew that he was a liar. Was he dead and a liar? A comment was left on one of the girl's blog posts. Unlike me, the commenter obviously hadn't read through the blog, she'd just found Eric's name and had posted something like 'you know him to? Have you heard from him lately?' and left her email address. So I emailed her. I told her who I was, and what I'd found out.
Meanwhile, I start absorbing this. And I see all the holes in the story I was told (which I'd noticed before this, but in the light of knowing he's a liar, they are even more pronounced). And I am comforted and slowly filled with joy.
I know that seems weird, but you see, it was beginning to look like he wasn't actually dead. And that was good. Because a living Eric who is a liar, he can be prayed for... a dead Eric who is a liar? He probably did not really know Christ, despite his claims (he professed to be a Christian, but didn't like to talk about his faith), and therefore was probably doomed...
The girl emailed me back, saying it was horrible what he'd done to me. She told me that she'd talked to him much more recently (much, much) than I had last, which cemented it for me. Obviously he was a coward who made up the story about dying because he didn't know how to break up with me. I mean, seriously!
She was angry and thought I should take vengence. I told her no. And I've never really been tempted to do so, though I can think of a few ways I could. Instead, I pray for him when he comes to my mind. I am not angry, though of course I no longer have any romantic interest in him.
But I am glad, and joyful, and delighted to pray for him! I know God put him in my life for a reason. For several reasons. One of them, I believe, is to pray for him.
Another is as a place holder. My judgment was not great when I picked Eric... which was when I was 19. I was 23 when this took place. I believe God had me 'taken' by Eric to keep me safe and unattached so that when I was 24, a little over a year after this event, I'd meet the man he'd intended for me. And because Eric and I, we spent months without talking because of 'missions' he was sent on (probably not true). The consequence of this is I, who was genuinely in love with the man I thought Eric was and wanted to marry him, needed to rely on Jesus SO MUCH to get me through that. Over and over, I grew closer to God. If I had had an in-person, normal relationship then, it would probably distract me from spiritual growth, but this convoluted long-distance charade, it drove me into God's arms.
And also, it was to just show his love and glory. Consider this: I was told Eric died on Friday. I discovered the Truth on Sunday. I don't think that's an accident. It's not Eric that's the metaphor for Christ in that, I think it's that it's a metaphor for the grave. For three agonizing, heart breaking days I thought my fiance was dead, and God brought me a risen life on the other side. A life above the lies and despair, filled with hope to pray for him and hope of a God guided path for me.
I'm not sure how well I did at telling this story, but believe me. In some ways it was the most painful experience, and in many ways I feel like I was SUCH A FOOL. But the one who thinks he's wise... well, he's not. And when I am weak, Christ's strength takes over. And it did. Forever. PRAISE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!