Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Who knows what lies ahead?

"Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:13-14 (ESV)

That's the verse of the day on the side of this blog as I type.
It sounds good right now. I keep screwing up and getting bogged down so I really need to "forget what lies behind" so I can "strain forward". Though, I admit, I have trouble doing that because I can only have faith and hope about what lies ahead...

Still, moving forward...

Yesterday I went and saw Shane Claiborne speak at Furman. I hadn't heard of him, but my friend I went to Missouri with is on the mailing list of the simple way, figures in the new monastics movement. Shane and his friends live in community in the less desirable neighborhoods of Philly.

I don't know what to tell you about the new monastic movement. And also God's economy, versus the worlds, where money just doesn't matter, at least not more than other things. It's just something God can give and take away, not something to desired for its own sake but for what it can do to further the kingdom. It was good. Afterwards there was a reception and I asked him about plugging into a community. I don't really have community. I mean, I have Bible Study, and I adore them. But they're not at that same place. Many of them are from a different generation and they're just not feeling that tug to let go of security and be... "there". My friend who went with me is "there" but she's leaving in January. I can't really explain it better. He didn't really have any advice. He told me to check out the website and then went on about how good and important community is. lol.

Now, I don't think God will leave me without fellowship. He could, I suppose, but I spent the first part of my life without it and He knows how much it means to me. And I hope He'll bring me someone who is "there".

I know I'm not making much sense.

I'm tired.
And I'm dealing with male drama. Well, sort of.

I've met two guys on a Christian website. One is in another country, let's just call him Bob to make things less confusing, even though it's a fake name. The other one is in CA, let's call him Jim. I really wanted someone within a day's drive, if I was going to consider a relationship.
But Jim and I met and he seemed good and we talked, but he wasn't really responding to any of my questions and on top of that, I shallowly admit, he's short. See, I'm both tall and large and I kind of want a guy who is at least tall if not also broad, so that I don't feel like an elephant in his company. Women like to feel dainty. Jim also doesn't have a picture up.

Typically looks don't matter much to me, but I admit I dwelled on his height a bit. Especially since, from the picture I saw, Bob was quite attractive.

So Bob and I start talking and I start getting a crush.

Then, this morning, it all changed. Well, this evening I guess. I didn't fall asleep until 8am, so I didn't wake up until the evening. Anyway, both Bob and Joe had written me.

Jim titled it "[My Name] You are amazing!" and Bob had titled his "My sweet [My Name]", if that gives you an idea of what I'm about to say.

Well, Jim's delighted me. He had last asked me what my dreams were and in a much longer roundabout way, I explained the first is to unify the Body of Christ, and the second is to be a wife and have kids. Well, it turns out a woman prophesied over him that he would be instrumental in bringing unity to the Body last year! He also told me about his background, which is crazily (in a good way) interdenominational. He also said, among other things, that he was open to adoption and in fact had been adopted. I really, really got excited about Jim from reading this letter and gave him some contact info so we can talk in real time at some point.

Meanwhile, I go and read Bob's... and he professes to love me! Keep in mind I met these guys less than two weeks ago and all we've done is email each other. So that took me aback. I was having fun sort of crushing on him, but that was a major "WHOA! HALT!" Additionally, I had mentioned wanting to adopt someday to him, and he said he didn't want to adopt and in fact didn't understand what would be the point of adopting if you can have your own kids. Well, luckily God didn't have that attitude and adopted us Christians! :) Admittedly, he's from another country, another culture, and that probably explains that attitude. But I'm just not sure I want God to make me one with a man who doesn't get why opening his heart and his home to a parentless child is a good thing. I messaged him back and said that he needed to guard his heart, that I wasn't falling for him at this point though I'd be happy to continue to talk to him, and maybe we should take a step back. I also let him know that him not being open to adoption wasn't a good thing to me. Still, I expressed the desire to continue to talk to him, but I'll admit to you I'm not sure there's much of a future there as anything other than friends. But who knows?

I had a good laugh with God about this, how it took me aback. It was surprising, and I enjoy the unexpected, usually.

Who knows what will happen next?
God bless those two guys, and you, dear blog reader... :)

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