Christian Womanhood

One of which, of course, I am.

A facebook friend of mine had something on her status about having completed something through truewoman.com and oozing praise about it changing her life. I went and looked and I felt... bad feelings. Am I saying that it's negative? Nope, not at all. Actually, I suspect those feelings were the enemy.

But I'm also not convinced it's for me.

I read the Manifesto, and certainly there is nothing wrong with it. I didn't sign it though. I logically decided to look at this again in a few weeks. Why is that logical? Currently I'm doing Praying for Purpose for women, a Bible study "prayer experience" 60 plan. I'm also in the midst of the 32 day guide for establishing your rearguard from Prayers to Outwit the Enemy. There is a 30 day thing done by the truewoman.com movement. So I think I'll wait until I've finished the rearguard one and supplement in the truewoman one, if by then it feels it's God's plan for me.

I have to say though, the website turned me off. Part of it is simple: it's too high tech and I have dial up. I can't stand websites that MUST have fancy videos and such when good old fashion photos and stuff would do. I'm not saying I hate them for it, but it turns me off. Also, the top article was about a pretty table setting and below that was about how beautifying your home is a godly thing.

Now, I love decorating and I'm not saying that that is false, per se. But if your website is supposed to be about being a true woman and all that and the first thing that you scream to the public is "decorate your tables" it just seems off.

Now, I think hospitality is very important, and if your home is ugly, it's not very welcoming. So I can see that. It also just makes people happier to live in pleasant surrounds....
BUT
I think that there is so much more spiritually worthwhile things! Spiritual warfare, for one.

Like I said, there is nothing wrong with decorating your table... but when you're a website about general womankind, I think that's the wrong message to send. Some women don't even have tables, and aren't supposed to...

I also got the feeling it was a marriage heavy protestant type website. That is, instead of saying "some are called to marriage and some to singlehood" and supporting singlehood, it has a vibe of "some are called to marriage now, some are called to marriage later and have to learn to wait, and some die before they marry". You know what I mean? I don't know, it bothered me.

BUT like I said, I think the enemy might be in it. So I'll ponder this in my heart, like Mary, and when I finish the rearguard program, I'll see if this is what God wants me to do next.

Maybe.

La la la...

I feel happy.

My posts lately have seemed more diary like than my norm, I know. A bunch of "this is what happened today" type stuff. This one isn't really an exception.

I woke up at 5:22am. Considering I"ve not been going to sleep until 7am or so, this is very different. I got up, did laundry, took a shower. I was supposed to hang out with my friend... but she overslept. Go figure. :)

It was all rainy so yet again we couldn't do the take the dogs and a picnic thing. We went first to the verizon store, because she had to pay her bill. I have Sprint. I like Sprint.

Then we went to Petsmart. They had some adorable and sweet animals there from the humane society.

Then we went to the Carmike theaters. We go there a lot, it's a $2.50 movie theater... only apparently during the day it's only $1.50! We saw "Imagine That", which is a cute family film.

I came home and snuggled Devlin and Sophie (not at the same time). My sister called and she succeeded at basically accomplishing her internship. She might get published. (She's going to be an astrophysicist).

And... that's about it. But it's just been a good day. Simple. Good.

And I am so in love with God. I was just getting desperately hungry for His word earlier today in the verizon store and I opened it and read Jeremiah 9 and He showed me things in there and it was just so... GOOD. God is so good!

Mainly About Pets

Yay. The internet is back.

On Friday we met and had a prayer meeting for the Vangsnes boys.
On Saturday I didn't do much. Cleaned the porch a little.
Today, Sunday, Tabitha and I were going to, FINALLY, hang out with my Sophie and her dog Lucky...
It didn't happen.

I did get to hang out with her. But before we did, she was called by a woman who was giving her a kitten. My friend had to put her cat to sleep a little over a month ago, and a woman at her work offered her a free kitten, with shots and a little bag of food and everything. She's decided to get it weeks ago, but now the lady was it was ready to go and that she was leaving town so my friend had to get it this afternoon. So we decided to put our plans on hold for an hour or so and I'd go with her to get it, leaving the dogs behind.

Only she left and told her husband to meet my friend. And her husband was in no hurry.

But finally we got him and he is ADORABLE. And I especially think so because he looks almost just alike my kitten! He's going to have medium length hair, while Devlin has short hair, and he's got lighter eyes. Otherwise you'd be hard pressed to tell them apart... except her kitten (who is yet to be named) is about 8 weeks old and Devlin is 16 weeks old. We took some pictures of them together and Devlin is twice his size, not just his age. But still, Devlin is very much a kitten, not a cat. The funny part is our grown cat Cinnamon (and so far as we know none of these cats are at all related) also looks just alike. We'd found it crazy that we had a kitten Cinnamon's coloring. But now my best friend has one too! Cinnamon isn't really friendly with other cats, but I wish she was so we could have a three picture: Full grown cat, older kitten, baby kitten. It would be so cute!

But on the way back to my house to get Sophie, my dog, she got a phone call. Her grandma had a stroke. She was sobbing, called her husband and told him. She was going to go to the hospital but her mom said not to, that she would just call her when they knew anything. So we decided to hang out but we didn't take the dogs. We set up her kittens litterbox and such at her house. I lent her a cat carrier to keep him safe from their dogs. The kitten HATES her dog Ziggy. He's a large dog. But while not a fan of the little dogs, she didn't seem to hate them. Hopefully she'll adjust. She and her husband rent a room at her mom's house. Her mom and her mom's husband live there, with her mom (grandma) and my friend's dad.(It's actually more complicated, but that's the simplified version). She and her husband have three dogs, Ziggy (a large dog mix, possibly Sharpei and boxer, but with something else too?), Angel (chi/dauschund mix), and Lucky (a little 7lb mutt). But her family have a lab mix: Cutter, another large dog, Yogi, six dachshunds: Teenie, Winky, Xanadu, Buddy, Peanut, and Jazzy, and a chihuahua (Biscuit). The little kitten is the only indoor cat. There is an outdoor cat that is theirs, Boots, and then another outdoor cat they don't claim but is Boots's friend and is always there and shares his food so is basically theirs.

So the kitten has to learn to love dogs. BUT I am hoping she'll ease the kitten into it because it's bound to be scary and intimidating. All the little thing has ever known is the home it was born into and not only does he have to get used to a strange place and being away from his siblings and other family, he's got barking and jumping dogs in his face.
But he'll adjust. I just hope he doesn't turn mean.

Her grandmother is being hospitalized tonight. Please pray for her. But I think she'll probably recover soon, I hope.

My late goats were named Henry and Blake. In honor of them, our kittens are now Baryon Henry ______ and Devlin Blake ______ (blank being our last name). Their mom is Mallory, their "step father" (they love him and he loves them but he's very much neutered) is Toby (technically Tobias but we just call him Toby). And indoors is Cinnamon Swirls _______. She and Toby are friends, even boyfriend/girlfriend (though she is very much spayed), but she takes a very long time to like any animal and in the meantime terrorizes them. So the outdoor cats are not allowed in. Toby is also an indoor cat, but he never tries to escape so he's allowed on the front porch. The outdoor kittens grew up on the porch, with the mom able to come and go. Now they come and go as they please as well, but they are smart enough to sleep on the porch at night, where they are safe. So Toby sees them some of the time when he's out there, but he always sleep inside.

My dogs, to remind you, are Sophie, my rat terrier, and Radar, the german shepherd mix. That is all the pets we have, now. Way more cats then I've ever had before (we've never had more than two before) but without the goats it doesn't feel like we have many pets at all.

I live with my parents. Technically Sophie is mine (Sophia Abigail _____). Also, if when I move out I can take Devlin, I will, but if not he'll always have a home with my parents.

Cinnamon is my younger sisters. She's about to start her junior year of college. When she gets her first place, she'll be taking Cinnamon, but she can't live on campus with my sister. (Sadly, because she and Alison ADORE each other and it's so sad to see them miss each other.)

So my parents only have one dog and now three or four cats that are "theirs". And my dad keeps saying the outdoor cats aren't really ours, so in his head they just have one dog and one cat... only he doesn't really mean it. He likes Mallory and the kittens, he just hates the idea of having to pay their vets bills. Cinnamon was just sick and it cost $550 to treat her, and so he's seeing dollar signs disappearing when he looks at them.

I have been wanting to put pictures on here.... so I'm going to try to put a picture of Devlin and my friend's kitten up here! But I have dial up (which is why I've never attempted this before) so it might not work....


I hope that worked! Now that I'm at it I'll try to put in some more pictures. Here is a picture of Cinnamon, the adult cat that could be part of their "We look so alike it's hard to believe we're not related trio!" (Though they all have different color eyes. Devlin's eyes are a sort of amber, my friend's kittens are a medium goldish green, and Cinnamon's eyes are very light gold with a hint of green)



Sophia is my icon. Here is a picture of Radar:



And a picture of Toby.



I don't have a picture of Baryon or Mallory. The memory card in my camera got scratched somehow so I effectively don't have a digital camera until I buy a new memory card. And since I don't have a job right now that's not going to happen. It got scratched on my trip to Missouri, which is sad because I'd taken tons of pictures with the express intention of putting them on this blog.

But here's one last picture, a cute one of my darling Sophie girl.

Prayers Please

Some friends of mine were in a car accident. Here is a link to a website their family created:

www.caringbridge.org/visit/vangsnesboys

Please pray for them.

Also, I'm currently at the library because my internet and home phone are out. I have dial up. There is something wrong with our wiring. So I won't be getting on that often.

Please pray for them. Thank you.

A New Day

The goats are buried.

Tabitha is sick again, major pains on her ovaries.

The kittens (the older kittens) are now officially outdoor cats instead of "porch cats". Hopefully nothing bad will happen to them.

I was working on my family tree again. My dad's cousin gave us a big already researched family tree last year, with my dad's mom side mapped out. I asked my dad about his dad's side, and then my mom about her side. Only Mom wasn't that forthcoming. Thanks be to God, my maternal grandparents still live, so I sent them an email to my family tree (which is hosted on a website) hoping they'll add details.

I think it's a worthwhile thing to do because our family genealogy is part of History, that is God's story. I've recently heard of stories of how previous generations have spiritual impacts on later generations and I think that's very cool. Admittedly, know my great-great's name and that they died in 18XX isn't helpful spiritually necessarily... but you never know when that kind of info is awesome to know, you know?

I'm started a new Bible reading plan yesterday. I've read the Bible through a few times, but not recently. Lately my readings have been haphazard. And that's not bad in itself, except if you're doing haphazard readings you might not be paying enough attention to important readings. That is, maybe I gravitate more towards certain books and chapters versus others. So what I did is I printed out a checklist of the chapters of the Bible and as I haphazardly read, I'll check them off. If I decided to read something twice, that's awesome, but it just doesn't get a second check mark. This way I'll have some record and see if I can read the Bible through again. It might take a few years, or maybe just a few months. It depends. But I'm not putting any time restrictions on it, just telling myself to make sure I read at least a chapter a day. If that's all I do, I should finish in three years (w/o any repeats). My guess is they'll be a lot of repeats, but there will also be a lot of days I read four chapters or so. So whether I get this done in less than a year or if it takes four or so, it's anybody's guess.

The first time I read the Bible, I went from Genesis to Revelation. The second time I went through and found out how many pages were in the Bible and divided it by a number (sixty, I think?) and then went through and grouped them together (for example, if there were 1500 pages, then I made rough groups of about 25 pages). I wrote the name of each of these groups down, then cut them into slips of paper. I put all of these in a bowl, prayed over them, and pulled them out in an order to read it.

The next time I did it, I just used that list to cut back up again and do it again.

That was the last time I read the Bible through deliberately, so this will be the fourth time. As I said, this time will be more relaxed and haphazard, but ultimately should result in me reading it all again.

Singing in the Rain?

When it rains, it pours... to borrow a cliche.

Wow, the past 48 hours have been eventful.

After coming home from Bible study and blogging, I got on facebook and Tabitha was having a major crisis. Actually, more like several simultaneous crises. I was able to talk about God with her though, and that was good. I ended up leaving my house around 2 or 3 in the morning and going with her. Before I left I fed the dogs and took them outside, put water out for the indoor and porch animals, and fed all the cats. I also fed the goats, who came running. They would tend to get out if they're hungry.

I spent the night at her house. We got up around noon and were on the road at 1. We decided we'd stop by my house and then I was going with her on some errands. I just wanted to check on the animals.

I pulled up and... I see a dead goat. It was Henry. He looked like he had a seizure from poison. His belly was distended and green goo was coming out of his mouth and nose. I call for Blake, but find him also dead. He was lying by the gate, trying to get back in. He also had green goo.

I freak out. Luckily my friend was there. I ended up calling my older sister, who lived in FL. She tried to all about a livestock disposal service, but had no success. She did suggest covering them up with sheets though. I found two comforters instead, and weighted them down with rocks. I figured the comforters were better because they are thicker and more protective in case a vulture sees them or something.

I stayed around the house for a while, trying to distract myself, but then my friend and I got into her car and just drove. We drove through Reidville, Burnsview, to the edge of Simpsonville but turned around and went through Batesville and ended up on Pelham Road. We got a fastfood dinner and then she took me home. But we just wanted to... get out. She drives when she's stressed and I just couldn't be alone.

I was unable to sleep. Mallory, the mother cat of our probably 13 or 14 week old kittens, was missing. She's an outdoor cat, but I usually see her at least running across the yard or something. I called some people and talked to them, getting off the phone around 2 am. Then I watched like three movies because I couldn't relax.

At around 6 I went and checked on the kittens one last time, and looked at Henry, whose shrouded body I could see from the porch. Then I went to bed and probably fell asleep around 6:30 am.

I woke up like a shot at 9am. I thought I heard someone in the driveway. My first thought was my parents, so I looked out the window but saw nothing. I went on the porch... and Henry had been uncovered!

I retreated inside, locked the door, and prayed.
God assured me I could go outside, so I did. I went and investigated, trying not to be sick. Three rocks were removed and the weather was mild so it wasn't wind. I didn't see anything running from the body and there were no marks of any kind but what had been there yesterday, so it wasn't animals.

Therefore there had been an intruder in my yard uncovering his body.

I covered him back up, went inside, and, trembling called my sister again. She talked with me for an hour, but had to go. I kept checking on the body throughout the day. My nerves were SHOT. I couldn't sleep, except fitfully, jerking to consciousness at every noise. I found if I put on DVDs, even if I didn't watch them at all, my nerves lessened. So I did that.

I fell asleep at some point. I woke up with the phone ringing around 12. It was my friend. I told her my parents weren't home yet and we talked for just a minute. Within twenty seconds of hanging up my sister called again and I told her the same thing. Both were checking on me.

I forced myself to eat and tried to sleep because even though it didn't help, it was better than anxiously waiting. I was constantly praying, but the anxiety only slightly lessened.
I fitfully slept, waking at four and then at six, BANG BANG BANG on the door.

My parents were home.

They asked "Which is that, Henry or Blake?" and I had to tell them both had died. They were shocked. I hate that I had to take away any happy relaxed feelings they might have gained on their vacation. They had to take the rental car back, so they left right away, coming back around 8.

My sister had made calls earlier and there are no livestock removal services here, so far as we know. The feedstore says people just bury them where they died, but as I said in my other post, we can't. Since we have to move them, I think we should put them on a pick up truck and bring them to the humane society. The humane society will cremate them for free (it's a fee to keep the ashes, though). We don't own a pick up truck though.

The goats are still out there, but one way or another they'll be taken care of tomorrow morning. We know we can't wait any longer than that, or the health department will probably be out here.

Then it got worse. Mallory, the mom cat, came back.

She came on the porch and ate... and then started screaming. And delivered a bloody discharge she ate. We thought she miscarried. Then she ran away outside again.

And then hours later I was taking out trash and there was a kitten in the middle of the driveway. He looked big enough, but maybe he was premature anyway? He was cold and it looks like he had a scrape on his head.

So we think she delivered the kitten in the driveway, maybe, and then left it there when she realized it was dead and came onto the porch. Only, then I was thinking how we probably would have seen it and maybe she gave birth elsewhere and was taking this one to us because it was sickly (since we're taking care of her other kittens) and left it for us and went back to other kittens?

I'm thinking maybe when she came and ate she had just finished giving birth elsewhere and needed food desperately?

So we just have no idea. We've not seen Mallory since the afterbirth incident on the porch.

AND Devlin, one of the kittens we've adopted, figured out today that he can get out of the porch the same way his Mom does. So we taped the hole shut... but now Mom is plagued with the idea of what if Mallory is weak out there and needs us adn she comes and can't get in? But if we untape it, the kittens could get out and be hit by cars or something?

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why does everything happen all at once??

Tonight in Spartanburg

Beloved, my heart is happy. I love the Lord, I love the Lord, I love the Lord.

Tonight I went to see a speaker, Dr. Jonathan Sarfati, at Spartanburg Seventh Day Adventist Church. My Bible Study didn't meet by itself tonight, but many of its members went to this presentation. Dr. Sarfati is a researcher, writer, and speaker with Creation Ministries International. The presentation was two part, the first part being Design, Deluge, and Dilemma, the second being the Most Asked Questions Answered.

It was a talk on creation versus evolution. He holds degrees in math, physics, and chemistry. It was about, on a basic level, believing in the Truth of Genesis and its important in today's culture where evolutionists attack those Truths.

I grew up with a compromise. I believed the Lord made the world, but didn't take the six days thing literally. I saw no conflict between the Bible and evolution and though those who did were ignorant.

Then in college, I met very intelligent creationists and, after months of growing respect for them, I looked into it. And became persuaded, not by their arguments, but by God's response in my heart to them.

There is no conflict between science and creationism. There is, however, a strong conflict between those who have their faith put in evolution versus those who have theirs in God and the Bible. The viewpoint varies based on your presuppositions. There are many troubling quotes from evolutionary scientists that say no matter how much evidence points to an intelligent designer, they wouldn't consider the possibility because it wouldn't be naturalistic.

Dr. Sarfati showed an example of a beaker that is 300 ml full. The liquid is being dropped in at a rate of 50 ml an hour. So how long had he been filling it?

But then he said, it depends. Because was it empty or did it already have 100 ml in it when he started? And the current rate is 50 ml an hour: what if he had filled it really fast until it got close to 300 ml and then slowed it to a drop so the results would be exact? And maybe there's a leak in the beaker?

Evolutionary evidence is based on watching the evidence of what they can see in the present, and from that gathering information on the past. Creationism is about taking the word of the first person accounts of those who have been there in the past, and then comparing evidence against that. Especially with the vital witness and observations of the Creator Himself, who was there.

Another example he used was if you had to determine how old he was, how would you go about it? You could analyize how many wrinkles he had, his gray hairs, etc and come up with a decision. It would vary by where he lived (sun exposure), genetics, lifestyle, etc...

Or you could just find out about when he was birth from eye witness accounts of when it happened.

Their website, which has lots of free articles, is creation.com

Following God...

And getting twisted around?

It's so hard for me to hear Him here, in my soul, the way that was so easy in Kansas City.
I really feel a need to get out, move out, get somewhere more spiritually healthy.

But I don't know where to go.

How Today Compared to "Tomorrow"

It was fun.

At first, I was irritated (as shown by my previous post). We went to the library, and it was just closed. Which is a big deal to me because I'm pretty much out of reading material and I'm stuck in this house for another half a week.

But there was nothing to be done.

Then she was on the phone with someone and just started pulling away from the library, but we didn't talk about where were going. She started driving, in the opposite direction of my house. I made her turn and she finally asked me where we should go because "she was just driving".

Of course, she'd made a big deal about barely having enough money for gas!

But I got her to park until she got off the phone, then we decided to go to an ice cream parlor. We split a small cup, which was sensible. It's been a while since we've gotten ice cream, but whenever we do we both get small cones, she eats three or four bites and throws the rest out. So this was much more sensible.

Then she realized she forgot her car charger, and we had to drive back to her house while she got it because her husband FREAKS OUT if he calls and she doesn't answer right away. Normal people could just turn off their phones and save battery power (maybe call him first and let him know, so he doesn't call and go "what???" when it goes to voicemail). But noooo, that can't happen.

Anyway, I wasn't really able to put aside my irritation until then. But finally, I did. So we pulled away from her house and went to the grocery store. I got another box of spaghetti because I wanted to be sure I'd have enough for us. I only had a half box at home. She bought mozzarella sticks because she had wanted to bring some, but they'd all been eaten when she went to her fridge at home.

So then, finally prepared, we went to my house. I showed her some stuff from the International House of Prayer, including some footage of the prayer rooms I'd taped. It's on God TV (Direct TV channel 365) at like 4:30 or five in the morning (varies on different days). But I got to show her what it was like.

Then I showed her some dog things I had recorded on the DVR while I made dinner. It came out fine, but the spaghetti sauce was sort of watery. :( Ah well, can't have everything.

Then we watched a movie, About a Boy. Which is one of my favorite movies of all time, either in second or tied with Pride and Prejudice.

She enjoyed it, but had to rush out to go get her husband. He'd been texting her throughout the movie, and had wanted her to leave earlier, but she told him how much was left at that point (half an hour I think) so she only had that much to spare.

So... that was the visit. Not horrible by any means.

Plus, she cooed over my animals a lot. :)

She works Friday and Saturday and my parents come back Sunday. So I am praying she and I can do something, at least briefly, tomorrow because otherwise I won't get anymore socialization with the outside world until Sunday.

Well, actually, I hope I'll be able to get to Bible Study. That's true. I'd momentarily forgotten.

Still, I hope we can do something tomorrow. I don't know though, apparently her husband had put his foot down and said "no" about us hanging out today, but finally relented only because he wanted to hang out with his own friends. So I anticipate his refusal tomorrow as well. Still, if we stay local, I don't think it should be too much of a big deal.

Oh, Patience.

So last night I fell asleep around 6ish, maybe? I woke up at around 10:30pm. I had only slept a little, but I thought if I fall back asleep, I'll sleep in again and miss getting to hang out with my friend.

So I stay up. And everything is cool.
At 9:30 I call my friend but she's not up yet.
Then at like 10:30 in the AM I start falling to sleep. So I purposely sleep on the very, very lumpy couch so that I will not be able to fall deeply asleep, so that a phone call could wake me. I fall asleep around 11:30.

I wake up at 2. This is bad, because we were definitely supposed to have plans by then. Her husband had to be at work in Simpsonville at 1. So I call her. She says she called and called me but I didn't wake up, and that we'll just have to wait until her husband gets off, at 4. (I checked the caller ID, btw. She only called me ONCE).

So all the energy and excitement just deflates out of me. I go back to sleep for an hour, then I get up. I just feel listless and upset. I call her back at 4 something and she says she just wants to do the spaghetti dinner.

I try to neaten up but can't find the energy. Finally it occurs to me I've not eaten anything...

And THEN it occurs to me that I really want to GET OUT of the house. I deflated like a balloon when I realized we weren't having lunch because that was the "out of the house" portion. I'd get to see strangers and be away from my property. That was the part that excited me.

So I call her up and explain that. And she says that she's dropping her husband at his friends house and she'll be straight over.

So finally, I think, I can get online. See, I have dial up, and right now my cell phone is dead, so I had been unable to log on because I had to keep the phone lines open for her. So I get online and wait for her to come.

And wait.

So finally I log off and call her. She's at HER house because halfway home she decided to go to her house instead. Grrrr. She wants to know EXACTLY what we're doing, because what if she needs to wear something more substancial than flipflops? Oh horrors!

So I tell her what I had in mind: nothing, really. I want to stop by the library, but that will take up to fifteen minutes. I want to stop by the grocery store, but that will take five. I'd not really thought about more than that.

So now she's SUPPOSED to be coming over. I got online and am venting in this.

God, grant me patience!!!!!!

And let tonight be fun even if it's starting six hours later than I want AND we've got the fact that her husband needs to be picked up hanging over our heads (which I REALLY wanted to avoid: in fact that's pretty much a driving force behind why I wanted to hang out today instead of yesterday).

A Report on the Yesterday

It didn't turn out that way at all (what a surprise).

First, I overslept. When I woke up, I called her and she was getting her hair cut. That appointment had been made well in advance, so it would have interfered with us whether I woke up earlier or not. By the time she called me, she had one hour before her husband was getting off work.

So she stopped by my house, and we talked. I could have gone and tagged along while she picked her husband up, and then we could do something... but I wanted to do what I'd planned and I knew if we had hung out then, her husband would object if we wanted to spend the day together today.

So instead we just talked for fifteen minutes, setting up plans. Then she left to get him.
So today, Wednesday the fifteenth, we're supposed to do the following:

Her husband has to be at work at one. She's either going to get me before or after, we've not decided.

If she gets me before, we'll have our picnic lunch with the dogs at Heritage Park, in Simpsonville, because that's where her husband works. If after, we'll probably go to Milikin.

We're both going to pack our own lunch. After lunch, we'll somehow work out getting her husband back home (he gets off at four) and then she and I are going to my house.

We're going to eat spaghetti (which I'll make) and have mozzarella sticks and garlic bread (which she's bringing). What else we'll do... not sure. Maybe watch a movie, or swim in the pool. Maybe both.

So that's the plan as of now.

My Hopes for Tomorrow... (Literally)

My plans very rarely come to pass. So I thought it could be interesting to write about what I hope will happen tomorrow (on July 14th, 2009) and then tomorrow evening or Wednesday I'll let you know how it actually turned out.

So what I'm hoping is that me and Tabitha will hang out. I'd like for us to pack a picnic lunch and go to Miliken with my dog Sophie and her dog Lucky. Then later we'll come to my house, and hang out until after dinner.

That's my thoughts. Now let's see how the reality turns out...

The Blogging Addiction

I think I'm getting it. I keep thinking of things and wanted to post them. Some of them I come in here and then decide not to post though.

I like my anonymity, but I've give the web address to enough friends I don't feel COMPLETELY anonymous.

When I feel anonymous I feel like I can talk out my thoughts more. Whereas if someone I actually know reads a thought that I've not quite figured out yet, they might assume I have and things get complicated from there. Ah well.

Still, I have only given this to close friends, so I still feel like I can talk a lot.

I'm coming up with a new novel idea, a Christian fantasy novel... but it's so important to me not to misrepresent God it's kind of frightening, you know?

Anyway, that is this blog entry.

Petsitting, Community Dreams, Invader Squirrel

I am petsitting now.

My parents left Saturday evening. They were planning on stopping for the night in Durham, NC. Then they were going to continue on Sunday, stopping in College Park (outside of DC) whenever they got to it. Then they'd spend the rest of the day sightseeing in DC. On Monday morning, today, they'd either leave or sight see for a few more hours and then continue on their way.
They should get to my grandparents house in NJ tonight. They may already be there. I got online several hours ago, and we have dial up, so if they called I wouldn't know. My cell phone charger hasn't arrived in the mail yet, so... (I miss it)

My sleeping is all askew. I fell asleep at like 6:30am last night. Woke up at about 1030am, and took the dogs outside because they needed to go, but then I fell back asleep. I woke up at noon, but so that I could go to the bathroom. I went back to sleep and woke up again at 6:00pm. I've been up since.

Today something excited happened though. I discovered a Christian community I am considering joining! I need to pray about it, of course.

It's an online community, but it seems to proclaim just exactly what I believe in. It is interdenominational, it embraces all Christian expression that is based in biblical Truth but also doesn't compromise on making sure the Truth is essential. It encourages you to be involved in a local church while still being involved in this community. Here is the website:

http://www.thearkcommunity.org

As I said, I'm praying about it.

While I was typing that my dogs went crazy with barking. So I run over and lock the front door and peep out the peephole. I see Toby the cat staring at me but nothing else... except suddenly a flash of something about the size of a large rodent runs across the ceiling of the porch.

So I put Radar, my german shepherd mix, on a leash and take him out there. Mallory, the mom cat, puffs up in a ball, but otherwise nothing seems out of the ordinary. No sign of squirrel. Also no sign of Baryon, one of the kittens.

So I put Radar back in the house and looked for Baryon, who was hiding where I thought he would be.... so then I just went inside and locked the door behind me.

So maybe there is an invader squirrel? Not sure...

Back In SC... and Life Continues!

I had a very pleasant flight. Well, two flights. I flew Kansas City to Atlanta, then Atlanta to Charlotte. AirTran. First time flying with them, but I liked them. Very nice people, free soft drinks and pretzels in coach.

Cinnamon.

Before I left our cat Cinnamon was sick, very sick, with a severe urinary tract infection. She had to be hospitalized. Cost my parents over $500. Now our kitten Baryon is sick! We don't have the money for a vet. But God is good, and I was describing his symptoms on a message board I'm a member for, in case someone knows home remedies or whatnot and someone volunteered to send my vet $50! It won't be enough to cover all of it, I'm sure, but maybe with that as a 'down payment' we can work out a way to pay the rest back to the vet soon? Nothing can be done until Monday anyway.

Baryon.

THEN I get on facebook and find out Tabitha went to the ER today! Ruptured cyst! She's apparently home, because she posted this on facebook, but she's in horrible pain and won't be able to work this weekend. She's a bartender and currently is only working the weekends (she works 31 hours on Fridays and Saturdays) so she's forfeiting a whole week's pay, plus accruing medical bills.

Oh, life!
Personally, I know Jesus is supreme, and I'm going to pray over both of these situations. I know my friend reads this blog so I want her to know: I LOVE YOU! I AM PRAYING FOR YOU!

Jesus is awesome. It is harder here, much harder, to keep my mind God centered, but I know that that's the only way to live. How much more alive I feel with God than ever 'living life' without Him. (Not that 'life' without Him is really life at all!)

Anyway, I should go. My parents will be leaving either late tonight (Saturday night) or Sunday morning for their vacation. If I get our kitten to the vet, I'll have to walk him, as I won't have access to a vehicle. Luckily, while we are in the middle of nowhere, we are actually in walking distance of the vet (less than a half, I think). Thank you, Lord, for that!

[PS. I had actually posted this and was looking it over, and I have a verse-a-day app to the side and the verse for today is so wonderful and encouraging I thought I'd copy and paste it in here, because while anyone at my site can read it today, tomorrow it will change. Plus, someone at sparklecityblogs.com won't be able to see the app anyway. Here:
"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed."

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (NASB)]

Happy

A photo of me in my aunt & uncle's kitchen from earlier in the week.

I'm sitting in my aunt and uncle's living room, reflecting on the time I've been here. I still have a day to go, sort of, but I leave in less than 24 hours.

Where has the time gone?

Well, I know the answer to that one. It's gone unto the Lord.

Oh, I have grown tremendously in Christ these past two weeks! I know without a doubt I was meant to be here, God called me to meet me here.

The sun is setting out the window. Beautiful.
Oh please God, stay with me.

Anyone reading, I ask your prayers that I do not backslide, I have gained so much in my Christian journey. This singing pilgrim is delighting in His ways!

Sing O My Soul!

(Jesus!)
There's God who in heaven
(Jesus!)
Who on earth be gloried

Infant Baptism and Childhood Scars

This blog is about the legitimacy of infant baptism. If you start reading this, I'd appreciate if you'd finish, because not every experience that's important is up at the top of this post. Still, if you're going to skim, scroll and read the parts in bold.

I'm on Sparkle City Blogs. It's a place where people who blog is Spartanburg county have their blogs listed. When you go to their website (sparklecityblogs.com) you see feed of the blogs. So I go occassionally, mainly to see how soon after I post it shows up there (several hours). And one blog from another lady caught my eye.

Now, I want to be clear, this isn't about her. I really liked her post. She was commenting on how in our postmodern culture people don't want God present in their religion, it's considering pushy, that it's more about community and tradition, and how wrong that is. It was based on a episode she saw of Army Wives, where the woman wanted to christen her baby, but she didn't actually have a relationship with Jesus.

It was a great post. Except she had to make a side note that infant baptism isn't Biblical.

Which isn't true.

Now, I'm not going to argue that it says "Baptize thy babies" because it doesn't. But it also doesn't speak against it. There is a difference between something not being specifically mentioned and something being against the Bible. How many things would we cut out of our lives if we limited it to only things specifically mentioned in the Bible? No television ministries, for one. The topic of infant baptism an issue I've dealt with for years because I was baptized as a baby.

See, I have always known God. I never remember a time I didn't believe. Let me tell you a story.

One of the most scarring moments of my childhood took place at Vacation Bible School at the nearby First Baptist church. I was already feeling isolated because we had been forced to watch videos all week about how "Southern Baptists" are changing the world. Never once did it even say Christians or Baptists. Everytime, it was a celebration of the Southern Baptists. Since I wasn't a Southern Baptist, it makes you feel as though you're a heathen.

Add to that that one day we go around the room and are supposed to tell about when we let Jesus into our hearts. Note for all adult Christians out there: this is a bad idea. Not because it's not important to share testimony. But because, especially in this area of the south, Christians persecute nonChristians and if you have one nonChristian the bunch, instead of befriending and sharing Christ's love, you're picking them out for ridicule, making them feel vulnerable, and that's just not a positive place to come from. Instead, you should probably ask any child who wants to tell of that moment to do so, so nonChristians and shy kids can opt out if they'd like.

But I wasn't a nonChristian. I just didn't have a moment to tell. I was nervous, but when it got to me I told the truth: I never had a moment I let Him in; He's always been there.

Everyone stared at me.

After class, the teacher kept me and gave me a list of Bible verses to look up. I took them politely, but was very still. I took out a Bible later and looked them up. They were all about how to be saved. She hadn't believed I actually believed in Jesus.
I was so angry. I sobbed to my mom. And she held me and told me that of course I'd always known Jesus. I was baptized as a baby.

Now, while this helped me believe in my baptism, which I had been beginning to doubt, it didn't alleviate all my concerns. I saw the legitimate arguments for baptism being something you had to accept yourself. It made sense.

In college, I researched this, on my own. I read a book about it. The scriptural references they used to back up infant baptism, are weak, but not wrong. In many instances, an entire household will be baptized. They don't say "all the household except babies and young children", and hey, it's the Bible, it would if it was important.

Now, you have to understand. I went to an Episcopal church in NJ until I was 7. Then I moved to the Bible belt and stopped attending church all together. Mom didn't find one she liked right away, and then we were out of the habit and resisted her. She didn't force us. Oh, I went to church at Easter, at various places, and occasionally I'd accompany a friend, but that's it. I was in Teens for Christ in middle school, and that was my church. Also in middle school I began to turn the Bible for life's answers. Good thing to do. God called me in eighth grade, but that's a whole other story. But rest assured, I was a Christian. I always have been.

I wasn't a great Christian. I didn't know the importance of fellowship until college. But once I discovered it, my faith and relationship with God jumped by leaps and bounds. Instead of just caring about God or loving him in a platonic way, I was passionately in love with Him. Still am, and how much I love Him keeps growing and growing. I was transformed, I changed.

Now, I had started being involved in many different Christian organizations on campus. I considered myself nondenominational at this time. I went to a retreat with Canterbury, the Episcopal young adult group. One there, I admitted to a priest I'd never confirmed. He was shocked and said I should. I talked to God about it. See, my concern was that I felt denominations are a barrier between the unification of the Body of Christ. And they sort of are. I thought in order for the Church to be unified, they'd have to be torn down. And God laughed lovingly at me and said that He is so much bigger than denominations. That He's going to change them from the inside out. Go ahead and confirm.

So I did.

And, that's what I learned what confirmation is. I had thought that confirmation was formally joining the church. And it is. BUT it is also the adult acceptance of your baptismal vows.

See, infant baptism is legitimate if accompanied by confirmation. The churches that perform infant baptism are saying to God "this infant is yours" much the same way the Jews would take their firstborn to the temple and dedicate them to God. Which, of course, God commanded and found legitimate. It's consecrating the child to the Lord, promising to raise them to believe in Him. And confirmation is when the child has grown older and fully understands and accepts Jesus as their savior. The water and the adult acceptance are separated by years, but they are still both there. There is nothing unbiblical about infant baptism, if understood.

Of course, in my experience most misconceptions that Christians of one denomination have about another are generally easily understood and explained if they would take the time to look into it. But they just look at the surface and don't look to see why it would have started in the first place. I'm not saying some things haven't become corrupt, but they usually start from a legitimate place. Praying to saints, for instance. I hate the term, and I'm not really comfortable with it. But the theological argument is that you ask your fellow Christians to pray for you when something is going on in your life, right? And Christians never die in Christ. So it is just as legitimate to ask a Christian who is alive in Christ but not in an earthly body to pray for you as it is to ask a fellow mortally breathing Christian, and is thought to be better because they won't be as distracted by the earthly things that distract your friends. Now, when viewed that way, it really is quite an understandable viewpoint. But calling it 'praying' instead of just 'talking' or something adds confusion, and I also think many Catholics have substituted their ancestors polytheistic views for many saints, you know? Also, I urge my Catholic brethren to remember that praying to saints is not necessary, even if they find it legitimate and of much help. That's not an urging not to do it, it's urging you not to make it a stumbling block between you and your non-Catholic brethren. Most practices of various denominations that other denominations find bizarre or ungodly actually come from sound, Biblical theory. Their application might have been corrupted, but generally the idea behind it isn't. Therefore, one shouldn't dismiss people with different practices as you as not Christian until you really explore it. And also remember that even if it is ungodly it might be a splinter in their eye, while you have a plank in yours. God will work on it in the hearts of anyone who is diligently seeking him.

Actually, as a note, that First Baptist church that so scarred me as a child? Actually, I was pretty much anti-Baptist for years due to many experiences of hatred and bigotry towards other peoples and Christians I saw from Baptists growing up. But in college, I joined the Baptist Collegiate Ministry and worked through most of those. But I was still holding a scar from that church that had the VBS (and the incident I described was not the only one but it was the most gut wrenching). But God desires forgiveness, so earlier this year he had me go to church there one Sunday. I followed his command, but it wasn't easy. The service started at 11 and I showed up at 10. I sat in a stairwell and hyperventilated. That's how deep the scar I had was. It took me the entire hour to be able to enter the sanctuary. And then people recognized me and after the service they even claimed "she grew up in this church, in VBS!"

But God showed me that they were just people. And it wasn't they who did that to me. It was Satan. They weakened me and Satan attacked my vulnerabilities. He used them, and me. Yes, what they did was the absolute wrong way to handle the situation. But they did it out of love and trying to do service to God. They had no idea of the harm they had caused in a small child, and I'm not going to tell them.

It still hurts to think about it, and God and I realize that I probably should visit that church at least one more time in my life, to work through my issues. But I've forgiven them. And I know lots of wonderful Baptists now, including the lady who runs my beloved Bible study.

Aloe Vera and Facebook Chat

I woke up with a very sore throat. Last night as I was falling asleep I was feeling my ovaries hurt. I still do. So I prayed for healing, and actually, my throat eased up a bit.

It'd be sore because of allergies. I hadn't taken my allergy medicine. My aunt apparently used to have allergies but now she takes a glass of aloe vera juice each day and the allergies have gone, away. So I went and got a glass... and almost threw up.

It doesn't taste that bad. I think it triggered my gag reflex somehow. But it was disconcerting.

I got up and came out here and got on the computer. My uncle came back for lunch. It's his first day as an intern at IHOP. He's very excited and thrilled with what God is doing.

I've been on facebook for a while. I want to be sure I get to IHOP at least once today. I've not had a day here I've not gone there, but I'm not sure I'll be able to. I was thinking about going with my uncle when he left to go back, but I started talking to someone on facebook chat and if felt more important to talk to this friend than to go with him. I'm still talking to the guy, in another tab, and the conversation has been great. I like facebook chat, though it tends to have errors a lot. I don't like it as much for the technology, which isn't very advanced, as for the awesomeness of chatting on facebook. lol. Pretty much everyone I know is on facebook, though not everyone gets on that often. Because of this, you are more likely to see someone online you know, especially since pretty much I only have like five friends who use yahoo messenger or aim anymore.

But I'm having a good God talk with the guy. He's a guy from my church. He was asking about what I'm doing in Kansas City, and that's moved over into us talking about God and our relationships to Him. He's an awesome friend. I remember when I first got to know him I wanted to set him up with one of my friends from college. But it was already senior year. But he would have had potential for two of my friends. But one might not have liked that he's an Episcopalian and the other now has a boyfriend, so oh well. He's a really great guy. He can be my friend without dating my other friends. Indeed, perhaps more easily. Having gone to Converse though, I am not that used to guy friends. Most of my guy friends in college were dating or at least pining after one of my friends. That's how I'd meet them. We're discussing infant baptism and other denominations. He was raised in the Methodist, Presbyterian, Baptist, Baptist, Congregationalist churches. lol. His family moved a lot and wherever they were they'd just join whatever church seemed the best in that area. I love that and think that's awesome. Now he's a member of my church, which says great things about it, doesn't it? lol.

My home church is great. The Episcopal Church of the USA does stuff I don't agree with, but my home parish is good.

Sadly, because of the reputation being given the Episcopal Church, more and more people come that often don't have Jesus at the center of their actions. Whether it's homosexuals who are looking for a place to affirm their lifestyle, not a place to diligently seek the Lord, or women looking to become priests because they feel women should have the right, not because they were called. Am I saying all homosexuals aren't Christian? No, actually. Just because you become Christian doesn't mean all your faults are automatically vanquished from your personality. I do believe it is a sin to act on homosexual urges. But I feel like anyone who is diligently seeking to please God, God will teach that to in His divine time. There are lots of sins it took FOREVER to expunge for me, or even to realize they were sins. But God points them out and then works with you. I think most homosexuals wouldn't listen to Him because they shut out anything that convicts their lifestyle. But I've met gay people who seem to be urgently and earnestly loving God and I have confidence as long as they continue to feel that way, God will teach them just as He's done for me. And I'm not saying women shouldn't be priests. I've met women priests who I ask God about their legitimacy in that role and get an overwhelmingly positive response. But I've also met women who seem to seek it because they just want to take down the male run system, you know? I just get BAD feelings about their calling when they talk about it and I know that it was self, not God, who prompted them to look at the priesthood.

And unfortunately, the more from the negative camps who join the worse the church gets. I went to an Episcopalian thing once, at a different church than my own, and found out that the Episcopalians I was with didn't believe Jesus was the savior of the world! It made me want to sob.

But my own church, I love it. Oh, it's not perfect, but God's at work and at the heart of it. It's St. Matthew's Episcopal Church. We have a healing ministry where people are healed. We pray a prayer for spiritual growth, and in it says "...may our numbers increase and our commitment deepen..." and they've had TONS of twins being born. lol. I think that's funny, but still, it's an answer to prayer. We have diversity, though not as much as we'd love. It's just a great church, very welcoming and friendly.

I don't get to go that often though. No car. Hmm. I'm kind of wanting to go this upcoming Sunday. I'll be home then. Maybe I'll call another friend of mine from church and see if he'll give me a ride. He has a crush on me though. Hmm. Need to give this thought...

4 AM blogging...

It can be dangerous.

I'm sitting at the kitchen table in my aunt and uncle's house. I am tired and after this I will go to bed, but obviously I'm not exhausted or I'd not be up.

Kirk stopped by earlier. We said like ten words to each other. But I just didn't feel the need to talk. Still, I hope we get more chances to connect. I've hung out with Matthias quite a bit, but this is the first time I've seen Kirk since the Guild meeting.

To change the subject...

My God is my everything. Nothing can be beyond Him in my eyes.

Still, that doesn't mean I don't long for a man. Not in the same way as I used to, but still...

It had been a long time since I'd talked to my fiance. Had he come back, I have no doubt that I would have been able to take off with that fiery love having only grown since last we talked. But since he didn't, after much wailing, I'm finding it not that hard to move on. That might sound callous, but it's not. I still hurt. I still love him. How can I not? But I've known for a long, long time he may never come back, and so I suppose I was preparing part of my heart for it, while I was letting the rest just Hope. And so part of my heart was able to edify the rest.

Am I saying I'm in a healthy mood to start a new relationship? No, not necessarily. But I also don't feel I'm unhealthy either. If I meet a guy, one who earnestly loves the Lord with all of him, and there is interest, then I wouldn't be adverse to more.

I want to be a mother and wife.

But at the same time, through spiritual warfare, God is showing me for the first time I don't have to be one that "burns". Before, I felt guilty, in an irrational way, for not marrying at age 15 or something because I burned with lust so! And didn't Paul say it was better to marry than burn? But now God is conquering that, showing me the cause (demonic lust) and stamping it out. Which is totally amazing.

And so now I've got to wonder if God is calling me to a life in marriage or celibacy? Both are legitimate. Paul declares celibacy to be better. And I yearn for my Lord so! What if by marrying I spiritually can't get as close to God? That may sound silly, but the Lord says He rewards us for that which we give up in His name. If I give up having a husband in His name, will the Holy Marriage of the Bridegroom and His Bride be that much more intense for me than it would for Christians who married? It would make sense. But then again, that union is the Holy union that it's all about. Maybe other Christians seek mansions, nations to rule, golden streets, but I just want God. The other stuff it great, but they're the reason I chose the narrow path. My reward is Him, solely. If He decides to give me more than just Himself, alleluia, but if not, then alleluia anyway! As long as I have Him...

And since I have that kind of relationship with the Lord, I need a man who does as well. And let's face it, Christian men are so attractive to Christian women the closer they draw to the Lord the chances of me finding one that is free and wants me seem slim. lol.

Anyway, this is 4 am blogging at its best... lol...

The Dancing Skyline

Saturday: the fourth of July!

I woke up. Ate. Went to the prayer rooms. Prayed, then went outside to eat and read. A man came running up asking to borrow a writing utensil, so I let him.

He came back and started just spouting off stuff. I had no idea what he was talking about. He was talking about passages in Daniel and Ezekiel, but I felt like I'd come into the conversation halfway through with no idea what the beginning was.

So I stopped him and told him that. He was an interesting person. At first I was following and he had some interesting insights into scripture, but then he was harping on predestination and how he didn't believe in free will. Then he revealed that God had revealed to Him that if IHOP didn't cut down on how many people there were He'd remove Himself.

I had no idea what to make of that.

I ended up advising him to pray for more mercy and faith, as we all always need that. I told him I agreed (sort of) in predestination in the fact that God has chosen us from the foundation of the earth, but that I thought discussing it the way he did was to put a stumbling block up. And he tried to argue any who it made stumble were already destined to stumble and I said that Paul wouldn't have warned us not to put up stumbling blocks if they didn't exist. I absolutely insisted that we have free will, and introduced him to my riverbank theory. That is, we have freedom to make choices within the banks, but if violate His will by trying to leave it, we'll get smacked head first by the banks and ricocheted back in the stream. Sort of. It's easier to explain with my hands. But it's like a parent with their children. Parents who give so many rules and no flexibility so their kids can't even breathe end up with kids who can't stand them, and kids with no boundaries grow into wild, worldly craziness. But the wise parents sets boundaries with lots of flexibility for the child to be who they are within the rules. Such is God. And you can't tie someone up and force them to love you; that wouldn't be real love. And since God craves above all for our love, He must give us free will to accomplish it.

I made all these points, and he would act like he got it, then respond with something on an entire other subject. It was weird.

I also advised him to read Growing in the Prophetic by Mike Bickle, the director of IHOP. I have only read part of it, it's one of the books lying around my aunt and uncle's house, but it really reveals the character of the man that is Mike Bickle, as well as advising caution in sharing prophecy, and I felt that this man needed to read on both of those. The reason I wanted him to read about Mike Bickle's character is because he seemed to be operating from the presupposition that the leaders of IHOP cared more about growth and money than about God's Will. Which isn't at all true. It's a genuine concern when you see a large gathering of Christians, and perhaps in time IHOP will fall to such a common failing. But IHOP is not currently like that at all! So his presupposition is false, and that being so, I wonder if maybe God did send him a message but he misinterpreted it based on a presupposition.

I actually have first hand experience at that. When God first called me to unify the Body of Christ, I had the presupposition that denominations caused division, period, and therefore they must be torn down in order for the unification to happen. But in time, God taught me He will change the hearts of Christians and denominations from the inside out. Maybe denominations will fall, or maybe they will just change so they can accept and work with other Christians unlike themselves. But the tearing down of denominations is not a prerequisite to unification.

And I hope that this man's own judgment of IHOP is similarly false but real. It might be entirely false, but I hope not, for his sake. But I shall turn to God.

I went back to the house at this point. My mom called. Then later my friend I carpooled with also called.

Then I went with Matthias and some of his friends to find fireworks!

The first place we went, we saw no fireworks. So we went to a building where one of the friends knew how to get access to the roof. So we ate bread, havarti cheese, almonds and grape juice.

And the fireworks came.

That is why I titled this post the dancing skyline. The skyline seemed to dance with fireworks at one point. It was lovely, lovely.

I really enjoyed the company of all them. It is so beautiful to get to know brethren.

I came back at 11pm, but my aunt and uncle were already in bed.

One reason I've not posted these as I go but instead summarized so many days today in the past few posts was because I've not been able to get online. My aunt and uncle have one laptop and my aunt has been having to take it to work. And she's got it password protected, so when I've wanted to get online but she's in her room, I can't access the computer.

But now I'm on it! :) And now I'm posting this.

A Quick Summary of Three Days.

Wednesday and Thursday and Friday (the first three days of July)

I had thought I'd come out to a real live bustling city and there would be people. And there are.
But I don't really know any of them.

The IHOP people are nice, but they all know people. None of them really just randomly start conversations with strangers, because none of them are really seeking to know more people because there are so many of them.

Let's see... Wednesday. What happened Wednesday? I Godwalked. Oh, I went to the Forerunner book store for the first time, though I didn't buy anything. I hadn't gotten my wallet back yet (though I have now). I got it on Thursday. But I looked around.

Thursday, I visited the healing rooms, and I did feel a difference though not fully healing. But I'm working on that, or rather I'm working on having faith to let God work on that? :) Thursday night I went with Matthias to a gathering of his friends. It was fun. We just talked and joked. We played a 'tell a story one word at a time' game, but we only managed to do three sentences. I was only there for a little while, though, and then came back. I read for a while.

My aunt and uncle have a lot of great books around. Some I might consider buying, some I am just trying to read while I have free access to them. I only have a limited amount of funds.

But on Friday I did buy a book. I can't remember the name off the top of my head! Which I find annoying and frustrating. I've only read a little of it though. I started, and then decided I should spend my reading time reading my aunt and uncle's books while I have them, since I'll be taking this book with me when I leave.

I had decided to leave the prayer room and Godwalk. I thought God might take me back to the Healing rooms, but he let me go outside to be with nature instead. I'm totally for that. :) So I sat under a tree at the edge of the parkinglot and read. And then an SUV came and drove over the edge of the curb, you know, her front bumper? She backed up and the bumped fell off on one side. The woman came out, freaking out. Apparently it's a rental car and she didn't buy the insurance. Her daughter showed up, and I came over and helped and we were able to put it back. It's not perfectly in place, and it's scraped, but it's not falling off anymore either! That was a fun adventure.

Later, I went to a teaching session, the first I've been to since I got here. I heard Lou Engle speak. He spoke on spiritual warfare and bringing every thought in surrender to the Lord. It was very, very relevant to me. (Note to self, make another post about spiritual warfare). Afterwards, I took a shuttle back to the prayer room (this was at the IHOP U campus) and met my uncle. He was with a visitor from Wyoming. The man used to be a cowboy, and then the Lord spoke to him about reaching people who have never heard the gospel. And he was not that interested, and then he read about the nomadic people of Tibet, whose life is very like the life he lived in Wyoming, with their livestock. So he is uniquely suited to reach them. So he was on his way from Wyoming to the training center, which I think was in Texas or Oklahoma. He decided to stop by the prayer room on his way. We prayed with him, and my uncle prophesied over him.
Then we went home.

Korean Apple Pie

Seems like there has been a food theme, hmm?

But this is the Tuesday, June 30th, post.
I woke up. Went to the prayer rooms, I think. Oh, and yeah, Monday night we went back to the prayer rooms. Nice way to finish a day.

But Tuesday... I think I went, and spent most of my time on the tables outside. That's where I was supposed to be. At one point, Matthias was out there, and he and I chatted for a few minutes, but he was tired from work.

Between me and God, only more closeness happened. Which is significant, it is precious, it is probably the best thing that can happen. But it's not something I can do anything about.

When I came home, my aunt and her Korean friend were cooking apple pies. It is her friend's favorite food, but she didn't know how to make it, so my aunt was teaching her. They made five. Then her husband and two adorable little boys, a one year old and a three year old, came over for a cookout. We all had hotdogs and vegetables and apple pie. Then my uncle prophesied for them again. He is such a blessing.

We were invited over to their house this Monday (tomorrow) so that my aunt will learn to make some Korean dish and we shall eat together again.

It was very fun.

Messy Cookies

I awoke on Monday being told they were just about having bunch with a friend. So I got up and was able to present myself only a few minutes after she arrived. She was the first person to be friendly to them when they were visitors at IHOP, and she is moving now. In fact, she'll be moving tomorrow (Thursday) to Florida.

We had a lovely brunch. The main dish was scrambled eggs, which were oddly made with half and half. They weren't quite as good as just plain egg scrambled eggs, but they were edible. I despair over my pickiness, not because I see anything wrong with it, but because I feel I'm constantly, if not outwardly then inwardly, criticizing what I'm being fed. We also had toast and delicious jam (strawberry rhubarb jam!).

Apparently my uncle prophecies. The friend had brought a tape recorder with her because she anticipated that when she would see him, he gives news from the Lord. It was wonderful when he did it, and quite amazing. I am certain his gift is from the Lord. Then he had words for me. My aunt went and tape recorded it for me, but the gist that I remember in my head were as thus:

'I see a vision of you, baking cookies. There is flour everywhere, very messy, but you're working in a beautiful bowl. It is turquoise and gold.
Right now your life is like this. Most people would look and only see the mess, but you see the beauty. And while now you have to wait, the cookies will be sweet. You can't have the sweet now, you have to wait for the process.
A year from today, you'll be eating of the sweet.'

And it was discussed how I see a butterfly or a puppy dog or other things that are beautiful, like the bowl, when others just see the mess. And I cry to the Lord "Don't they see? Can't they see?" and the answer is "No, because I have not given them the eyes I have given you".
Also, the turquoise is like the ocean, and gold is very precious.

I'm sure there might be more nuance, but that's the gist I can remember off the top of my head. I do have the recording, but I'm not currently listening to it. I love the promise that this "mess" my life is right now will have turned into "sweet" by next year, and I wonder what that means. I also do not lose sight of the fact that cookies are baked in ovens and that the hardest part might be yet to come. I also ponder that maybe that sweetness will be being with God out of this body... but I don't know. And that is always a blessing.

The turquoise and gold has a special meaning to me too, but I don't feel like sharing it here.
I revealed to my aunt and uncle and their friend about how I am called to help unify the Body.
We prayed and enjoyed each others company.
She left and later we went to the prayer room.

That night, my aunt made chicken cordon bleu. I hate bacon and swiss cheese so I had a can of food I brought from home along with the side dishes. I fear I insulted my aunt. :(