Wow, okay. This blog topic's mood has changed before it started. One of my best friends from college just put on her facebook that a friend has died. My heart is pounding b/c I don't know if it is someone I know or not. And I'm praying for my friend, for her grief, but I admit I'm hoping it's not someone I know.
I am such a bad person.
I know it's normal. I know it's natural, but right now I'm half-selfish because I'm hoping that her personal pain is not my personal pain. But when one member of the Body is hurt, shouldn't we all hurt?
Of course, I do love this friend, and even if I don't know the person, I will hurt for her pain. I already do. But it's not just her....
In the past three or four weeks, six deaths have happened in my life. I was watching the news one morning and saw that a 19 year old died in a car accident. Then on facebook, it turns out he was the friend of one of my friends. Then one of Tabitha's former coworkers lost her battle with cancer. Then Bill Mullens, friend of several of my dearest friends, lost his battle with cancer. Then a young ma who worked with my friend's daughter died in a car accident. Then the brother of a girl I went to high school with died in a car accident Friday night. Then an hour ago, my friend puts up a sort of 'RIP/farewell' message to a friend, whose identity I don't know. :(
My heart is hurting. I am reminded once again that my God is the Lord who gives and takes away. It is His right, and I love His ways, but it hurts.
I don't know about this current death, but so far I haven't really known any of them. There's this feeling though that with all these deaths, the one that will just pound me down is right around the corner. That's where the selfishness comes in. That is where I need to cry 'Give me more love, Lord!' And I am crying that. Give me more love, more faith, more of You! To handle whatever you have for me, be it loss or gain, with love and faith and hope. Give me hope, Lord. And joy. Give me You.
Update: I don't know my friend's friend who just died. Praying for my friend and the family and loved ones of the woman who died.