Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Ruminations on the Current Stage of My Life

Well, my bloggie friends, my heart is a tad tremulous as I think about tomorrow.

Tomorrow I have a job interview.

People, I really need a job. It's been a year now since I was last employed. Which is crazy. I've been trusting in God... and I do trust Him. But it is hard. I see so many of my weaknesses more clearly now. Which I know is healthy, but it's also discouraging.

Still, cool stuff has happened too. But overall, I feel beaten down and anxious. I don't like it. I try and try, and feel like a failure. But I have to have faith. It's not all on me. And Jesus is always Victor. So it'll be okay. It is okay.

Such great stuff has happened in this past year. Like Ryan. Gosh, Ryan and I have been together for over nine months, but in that entire time I've not been employed. That's crazy. I hadn't really thought about that until today.

I just noticed the clock has ticked over to midnight. So just so you know the interview is on April 13th, 2011. Because I'd really appreciate prayer. It's at two. It's just a part time job, but a job is a job.

There's been a lot of feeling of being left behind while my peers go on with their lives. I've found Ryan, which is awesome, but it's still long distance, and we're still not married. I smile as I say that, because I thought I'd need at least a year before we'd get engaged, and it still might be that. But I know he's the one. And he knows I'm the one. We talk about it pretty much every day.

Jesus, I trust You. Everything is crazy right now, but I know You've given it order. I feel left behind by my peers, but I know You direct my path. Please give me more faith, because I believe but I need help to believe more. All these faults and flaws You've helped me identify in my life, help me work through them to become a better disciple. You know my heart and my ideas and plans for my life: clarify them and help me work through them, that I might follow only You. I rest on Your promise to complete the good work in me that I know through faith and what I've witnessed that You've started. Thank you so much for all you've given me. I love you.

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