Okay- I LOVE GOD!!!!
HE IS SO AWESOME!!!!
So after I wrote my last post, I was still feeling kind of down and I entered a contest to win some prizes. Then when checking my email, I noticed I'd gotten an email saying I should enter to win HGTV's Green Home they're about to give away. So I thought why not? And I went and entered and spent a good while looking at photos of the house and daydreaming about it winning it.
I thought about how I've never had my own place (except a dorm room) and how if I won it, would I even be able to keep it? I'd have to pay the winner's taxes on it and with no job, would I be able to cover it? I thought about how if I won it, even if I just cashed out and didn't take the house but a smaller cash prize, Ryan and I wouldn't have to worry about where and how we're starting our life because all the visa people care about (after making sure he's not a terrorist, but that's not a worry in this situation) is money, that he won't go on welfare. I thought about how I could invite friends, and host them proudly, and my heart hurt because I ache to give hospitality but I never get to...
And then I finished glancing around the site and closed it and I just felt achey inside. I feel this way lately, and I hate it, and I know I need Jesus. So I prayed and I thought I should look in the Bible. I don't have one handy, and biblegateway.com is my normal go-to but they don't really have a 'here's a random verse' feature. They just have one verse of the day, and then their reading plans, and I'd actually already looked at their verse of the day.
Have you ever prayed and flipped the Bible open to some random verse and it totally applied? I wanted to do that, but can't really do it online. So I thought, surely someone has made a random bible verse generator? So I typed that into google and sure enough I found this site.
And when I clicked on it I prayed as it loaded. I prayed for God to give me some guidance. I hoped He didn't think that I was being silly, like it was some biblical magic 8 ball, that He'd show me what I needed...
And this is what He gave me:
Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” -Hebrews 13:5
I mean, WOW! I was just entering contests and worrying about money. And really, what is worrying about employment, like I've been doing for a long time, but concerning myself with money? God's right, of course, and I need to keep myself free of the love of money.
I don't think there's anything wrong with entering contests or daydreaming, but I need to be content in my situation. I need to give thanks and open myself up to God's plan for now. He just gave me guidance when I asked. Surely He will continue! For He will never leave me! Or forsake me! OH, what an amazing, loving God! I do not deserve Him, and that is GRACE!