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Monday, May 30, 2011

Hormones and Tears and Bears, oh my!

Apparently there are bears in my area. Well, at least one bear. I didn't see it or anything. When I got on facebook this morning a friend had shared the news story.  The bear was seen 'in Moore, off highway 221'. Which is where I live... and also pretty much where all of Moore is, so that's not really descriptive. And I think they got the bear. The story didn't actually say, it just said the police and the Department of Natural Resources were called in. I'm assuming if he got away, they'd have mentioned it.

So today I'm going to Dan and Ginny's wedding! I'm excited. I'll definitely tell you about it tomorrow. I'm sure I'll cry. I apparently cry at weddings.

At my sister Beth's wedding I was a bridesmaid and I bawled.  I had no idea I would. Before it started a woman working for the church gave us each a tissue to keep under our bouquets in case we needed them and I totally thought she was being silly. But for some reason I just couldn't keep it together. Luckily, neither could my brother-in-law's sister, another bridesmaid, so we gave each other understanding smiles as the tears streamed down.

I'm not sure if I cried at Tabitha or Grace's weddings.  I just don't remember.  But I probably did get teary eyed. EVERYTHING makes me teary eyed.  Especially lately.  I have a hormone disorder and I think it makes me quick to cry. 

A few weeks ago I was telling Ryan a story and said something made me cry and he said "Really?"

"Yeah," I laughed like it's no big deal (and it wasn't), "but I cry over everything."


"Yeah. Like EVERYTHING. I probably cry at least four times a day."


And it's true. I have no idea why but I do.  I'm not talking about sobbing here, that's rare. But four or five times a day I get tears in my eyes. And probably at least one of those times a tear or two makes it out of my eye.  That's why I say it's got to be hormones.  And it's SO embarrassing, but when I'm talking about something even slightly emotional, like kids without dads or a news story about war or not having seen a good friend in a while, sometimes my voice will just crack.  And it's annoying because I'll be calmly saying one sentence-- not feeling emotional or sentimental at all-- and suddenly my voice cracks and I have to struggle REALLY hard to make the next sentence come out right.  Usually if people ignore me, I get it together fast. But if they go 'What's wrong? You sound so emotional" my very embarrassment makes it hard to gain control.

So you can see, when I say it's my hormone disorder, I really think it must be. I think when I tell people that if they're trying to make a big deal out of a couple tears they assume I'm using it as an excuse.  But it FEELS like hormones you know? I remember being a teenager, completely out of my mind and with no good judgment.  And I remember how it felt, when I was like 20 or so and those crazy hormones were out of my system and I was like 'wow. Was that insane girl from my memories really me? I can think again!'

I don't think it's as bad as teenage hormones at all. But I think it's a bit like pregnancy hormones. I've never been pregnant, so I don't know, but I read my friends on facebook having babies (and there are dozens) commiserating about how they've got baby brain, cry over things, etc and I relate to every single bit of it. None of the physical stuff of course. But all the emotional, hormonal nonsense?  Yeah, that's me. And I don't even get a baby out of it.

So if you see me at the wedding and I'm crying, just ignore me. :)

1 comment:

  1. There's nothing wrong with crying. Tears are a language given to us, by God, that we all can learn to speak. I fully believe that...

    But, sometimes it is frustrating to be crying over something and you're not exactly sure why you're crying... people keep asking you if you're okay, and you totally are. But, of course, they don't believe you. :)

    I remember one time, when I was pregnant, TJ fell off the bed. I started dying laughing... until I started crying. It wasn't one of those "laugh till you cry" cries either... I literally started sobbing. Tears were streaming down my face, my chin was doing the whole "trembling" thing. Not pretty. I'm not sure why I was crying. In fact, I was still thinking about how funny it was that he fell off the bed. ha ha

    Oh... hormones!


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