Thursday, June 9, 2011

5 love languages

Ryan and I took the 5 love languages quiz today.

I've heard about the 5 love languages many times, but I admit I've not read the book. But I've noticed recently that Ryan seems to feel less loved than I feel.  I feel utterly loved by him, and I felt like I was failing him since he seems to struggle sometimes with feeling my love. So I thought we should figure out what our love languages are, so I can communicate my love better to him.

If you've not heard of the love languages, basically we all have a way (or many ways) that we best communicate love to and from others.  The man who came up with calling them love languages and deciding there were five is named Gary Chapman.  The five are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.  You can learn more and take the quiz by clicking here and going to the website.

So here is Ryan and my results:

Love Language            Pam    Ryan

Words of Affirmation     5          7
Quality Time                  9         10
Receiving Gifts               8          0
Acts of Service              4         7
Physical Touch              4          6

So as you can see, Quality Time is highest for both of us, which is good. It's a little higher for him though. But he doesn't seem to care at all about gifts, where as for me that's also pretty high. But that works out good for us because he'll give me little things, and I've been unemployed for our entire relationship so I've not been able to give him anything. I did make him a gift for Christmas, but I've not had the money to ship it to him!

We're also both high-ish on words of affirmation, which is good because since we're long distance words are all we really have on a daily basis.  It's not really so great that acts of service is high for Ryan though, since there's just not a lot I can do for him at this point. But I can try.  It doesn't surprise me that physical touch ranks higher for Ryan than for me, I already knew that. But I was happy to see that all the rest (except gifts) rank higher. Because while I can occasionally do some sort of act of service for Ryan (like looking something up online for him as an example) I really can't give him physical touch at this point.  So I was afraid that it was going to be his primary or secondary. But it's not, and that makes me happy.

I thought it was interesting that Ryan's scope and mine are so different. I rank at least a 4 on all of them, and my highest is 9.  He goes from 0 to 10!  Physical touch and acts of service both do matter to me, so I guess I speak all five. They're just not THAT important. The test isn't exact, and I do think that actually physical touch is probably higher than acts of service. Because I feel rejected when someone rejects a hug I offer them... but  not if they don't initiate hugs in the first place. But while I appreciate if someone does an act of service for me, I mainly just feel gratitude, not necessarily love. So that makes me think that probably I'm more towards physical touch than acts of service.

Anyway, I thought this was interesting and I'd share it.  I'd love to know about your love languages and any other comments you might have, always.

1 comment:

  1. TJ and I are both quality time (I think we've talked about this already.) However, when we took the test, everything had JUST happened with Sadie Mae, and I think we both needed each other physically present. So, I think if we took it today, TJ's would be Acts of Service WITH Physical Touch, and mine would be Words of Affirmation. (Which he is horrible at.) ha ha

    Anyway, I just thought about the whole "passport" situation. When you couldn't get it to work, that's why Ryan got so upset, because he felt like you were doing that FOR him, then it failed... well, it was like you failed in showing him love. I know he doesn't consciously think that... but maybe unconsciously.


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