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Thursday, June 30, 2011

Discipline-ing-ness... Yeah...

Life has been about disciplining myself lately. Part of the discipline has actually been blogging. I've been aiming for a post a day. I'm not beating myself up when I miss a day, but I try to make up for it (without blogging ten times one day, cause that'd probably drive y'all nuts!) Yes, I said y'all. I'm somewhat southern now. Sigh.

Anyway, discipline! Right. The subject on hand. Hmm. What was my point?

Ah yes, that I'm not particularly disciplined in general.  I'm a start lots of stuff, finish few kind of person. A haphazard, scatterbrained type of girl. I've got an absent minded professor kind of personality. No one doubts my intelligence, just my ability to focus and hunker down.  And I lose stuff. And I'm clumsy. Though I'm not sure clumsiness really has anything to do with discipline, I'm just throwing it out there.

So God and I have been trying to work on that.  Some efforts have been more successful than others. For example, this is my 30th post for the month of June, on the 30th of June. Awesome. Also, this also happens to be my 100th post for the year! Also very cool.  I only started my once a day blogging-ness towards the end of April. It's been great. Not only has God been blessing my blogging efforts, but also it's just helping me be a better writing. Writing is my love. It's not my only love, but it's been a life long one, well since I learned to write.  Writing is something I will do all my life. And now I've been getting writing practice daily. True, I'm more a novelist, but this is also really awesome. I have fallen in love with blogging.

I also am doing a 'Summer Bible Reading Challenge' where I'm supposed to read 3 chapters (certain selections) a day, every day. And if I read at least one of verse from it, that also counts, because the discipline of daily reading counts for more than how much, though how much is also good.  Anyway, I've been doing that. I've missed many days, but I've mainly done it. And it's not how often you fall down but how often you get up, you know?  So that counts too.

And I've been doing it with exercise, as you know, with the Couch to 5K program. In addition to the three exercises per week for that, I've also been trying to get in plenty of other exercises weekly, to bring my body to a healthier place and discipline it and master it.

I keep coming across other things I could do, such as other exercise programs, or Bible reading plans, or whatnot. And I've tried a few other things, like Ryan and I were going to read a book together, but that was a disaster (I wanted to do many days readings at a time, he kept skipping days). We've decided to restart, but we've not picked when yet. I'm trying not to overwhelm myself. Because I suck at this discipline thing, usually. So it's more important to me to keep the balls I'm already juggling in the air than to add anymore.

There are probably people out there laughing at me. They think 'what balls? You're barely doing anything.' To them I sheepishly smile and shrug. I am sooo not a regular, scheduled person. I am flexible. I am freewheeling chaos. And I love it.  That's how God designed me, it's my strength. I can handle the unexpected. I am up for adventures at 3 am or 3pm. Crises usually don't phase me, but paperwork makes me break into a sweat.  I can have a 7 hour heart to heart with someone I've met once, but I hate calling to get pizza delivered.

But God also wants me to be strong in a more normal way.  To be able to handle the expected and the daily grind. And it is sooooo hard for me.  And I'm trying.  There is nothing I hate more than letting people down, but I seem to do it a lot. And I want to try to juggle things more. To clean house more often. To turn in paperwork on time. To wake up in the morning and fall asleep at night. These things are so hard for me.

I know I'm weird.

But in the discipline of blogging, I'm trying to learn to walk the line between authenticity and over sharing. I'm not sure what I've learned, but I've been asking God to teach me about real authenticity, which is something he calls all saints to try. So that's what I'm trying to do here. To show you who I am, what I struggle with, while at the same time defusing the situation a little bit with humor like this:



Just so I won't get too serious. :)

Oh yeah, adding photos to blog posts? That's another discipline I need to work on. I'll get good at it for a while... and then I fade away again. It's mainly because of the dial up, but it's also because I forget to take pictures of stuff a lot.

Forgive me?

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