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Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I'm a Mess, but Jesus is Saving Me Anyway

Jesus really came through.

About twelve hours ago I was freaking out and filled with anxiety. Right now I am sitting down to right a blog post and all I can think about how grateful I am for all the blessings in my life. 

What happened in the intervening twelve hours you might ask?

Prayer.

Seriously, the situation I was anxious about? Nothing has changed.  God didn't change the situation. He changed my heart. I was praying and calling out to Him in the heat of it.  Later, I was reading and meditating on the Bible. So far, the situation that caused the anxiety isn't getting resolved... but the mess inside my heart is!

I freak out sometimes that people will look at the things of my life and think what a failure I am.  I was about to launch into a list of the reasons, but realized that would only serve to bring me down.  But it's all externals.  I worry that because externally my life looks like it's such a failure, people won't think they need to see my God in me.  They'll think "Why would I want Jesus? Pam's a Christian, and she's an utter mess."

That could be a legitimate interpretation, but it's only looking at the externals. But the externals all pass away. External is not eternal.  My credit rating or college gpa or how clean my house is or any of these other measures we use to judge each other? That will all pass away soon. But my soul? My spirit? That will live on.

And if you look at the internal me, you'll see a different story of my life. Oh, it's still a mess. I get anxious. I fear. I worry. I get angry. I hate. I despair. But it's so much better than it used to be. It's in process. I'm in process. God is changing me from, well, me, into the being that can be one with Him. It's a lengthy process. And just like when you're cleaning up a mess, sometimes it has to get messier before it gets better. Sometimes you have to pull the mess out of it's hiding places and spread it all over the floor and sort through it in order to resolve it. 

But God is resolving me. And He's teaching me. Just like a baby learning to walk or talk or hold my bottle or not to touch a hot stove or... Think about how many things a baby must learn to prosper in adult life! How much more must God's children learn to prepare for their spiritual adulthood: eternal life in union with Him!  Though the lesson we learn takes time, it is simple:

Listen to, lean on, and trust in Jesus. Always.

2 comments:

  1. Well said, Pam. I am encouraged that even though we all are a mess, we are in a process of transformation and God's view is higher than ours! "For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
    1 Samuel 16:6-8

    ReplyDelete
  2. This was wonderful to read, Pam.

    ReplyDelete

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