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Friday, September 30, 2011

Five Minutes on Friends

So today I'm going to take five minutes to blog, unedited on the subject of Friends. This should be fun and interesting...

Friendship is something that is very important to me. Growing up, I really didn't have friends. I'd get one or two, but the peer pressure of being my friend usually made them feel pressured to abandon me. I was the social pariah. Have you ever seen About a Boy? I was that kid... just without the suicidal mother or a Hugh Grant.

So now, I often am struck dumb by the fact I do have friends. Honestly, sometimes that brings tears to my eyes. God is so good! Nothing buoys me up like my friends. I'm still pretty isolated from them, but it's because of geography and economics (I live in a rural area far from everyone, and I'm unemployed, so I can't afford to do many things) and not because they don't love me. I know I can count on people now. It's pretty amazing.

In college is when I started to have friends again for the first time. I used to get all insecure occasionally, scar tissue from my earlier years. It could be just because they had a hard test or whatever, but if a few days would go by without me hanging out with my friends, I'd have to go sit myself down in one of their dorm rooms and ask them, "You love me, right?" They'd reassure me and I'd be okay. But I would be so afraid of losing them.

God's healed that for the most part. I do occasionally get insecure about it. And one friend from college inexplicably defriended me on facebook and cut off all contact... and I have no idea why. It's been over a year since she did that and I still feel the pain when I think about it. But Jesus is my friend. And He's really helped me heal in this area.

Okay, that's five minutes. I feel like it's sort of depressing because I was hoping to end with a more optimistic, happy note... but I ran out of time. :) Linking up with 5 Minute Fridays.

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