Today started out well. I got a package and a card! I talked for a while with Ryan, and then I went to work.
I forgot to eat anything but crackers and raisins before I left.
Twenty minutes after I got to work, my throat got scratchy. I almost lost my voice, and then suddenly it came back. Weird. I feel weak and exhausted, but I don't have a fever. I'd love some prayers. I was really bummed because I've just worked five days in a row and was looking forward to having a fun day off. That's the most days in a row I've worked since I got this job... which means its the most I've worked in over 20 months. I'm wiped out. But now my body is fighting off some germ (and I think winning, but we'll see) so true rest doesn't sound like it's in the cards... Being sick isn't relaxing.
Of course, I made plans with friends in the evening tomorrow. Which I was really excited about yesterday and I'll probably be excited about it again in the morning, but right now it just makes me feel worn out. So I told myself, "Okay, you can go out tomorrow night, but for no reason at all will you do anythign in the morning. Just rest if you're smart, so you can heal and be well since you work on Friday and Saturday..."
Oh yeah, today my boss asked me to work Saturday. I did have it off. But now I go in at 8am. I'm glad for the hours, but it sounds exhausting. However, since I'm only seasonally employed I figure better tired now than having less money later.
Then, as I'm contemplating all this, my mother comes in and tells me under no circumstance am I not giving her hours of work on housework tomorrow, because we have to get the house ready for guests next week and she "can't possibly do it alone. It's impossible."
There is no ordinary pasttime I despise more than cleaning. It fills me with anxiety and stress just thinking about it. These are my own issues, but I'm already feeling bone tired and slightly sick, and her insistence I have to clean tomorrow is making me want to cry. I told her I'd help, but my plan had been to just relax Thursday and help her out on Saturday... but now I'm working Saturday so I have to give up my day off.
I get my paycheck Friday, so I need to go pick it up before I go to work, so I can take it to the bank. That makes my day longer. Then sometime this weekend I need to get my passport photos done, and Monday I hope to send off for my passport. I am so excited about that... but I have to figure out how to fit that in.
I work Friday night, so now after five days of working, I have one day with cleaning and no rest, and then two days of working night to morning, back to back. Then I have church on Sunday, which is great, but it means I can't just stay in. Then I work on Monday. On Tuesday I'm off... but since my older sister is coming on Thursday my mom will be in insane 'about to have guests' mode, so there will be no rest or peace. Then I work everyday until Christmas.
In there sometime I have to buy Christmas presents. I only have one complete present so far.
I also have some important phone calls and some studying I need to do (though I'm thinking I might be on hiatus until after Christmas day?) and I don't know when the last time I worked out was... that might help the stress, but right now it just feels like one more thing to fit in.
Please pray for me. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself, and I'm trying to stop. I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I know I can't be overwhelmed really, because God is on my side (and I'm doing what God wants me to do; I don't feel I'm doing anything outside His Will.) I know a lot of you are dealing with a lot less. But right now I've not enjoyed the season at all yet... and it's probably my last one in America.
This time next year I'll be happily in Ryan's arms... but I'll probably also be sad because I'll miss my parents.
Okay, I need to not look so far ahead. One day at a time, Pam...
At least I'm Episcopalian. That means Christmas lasts for twelve days for me, day one being Christmas itself. So even if I have no time to enjoy Advent, Christmas won't be over on December 26th. Because right now everything is such a blur.
I'm also really tired. I know tomorrow I'll probably be cheerful again. I am trembling right now... and I'm not sure why. It's not that cold... I thought about posting something else but, well, this is all I've got on my mind, and I decided it'd be better to authentic and post this then to let another day go by without an addition to the blog.
God bless you all. I love you. I may not know all of you, but I love you anyway.