I love reading blogs almost as much as I love writing this blog... or maybe I love writing this blog almost as much as I love reading other blogs? No, I love writing this blog more... I think.
So, in the reading of dozens of blogs, I've noticed a few things. There seems to be two styles. The very authentic, talking-to-my friend, opening my heart style, and the polished, public face, professional style. Both are very enjoyable to read. There is also wisdom in both styles.
From the beginning, this blog has been the Lord's, so I've tried to let Him determine it. And recently I've been noticing the tug of war.
I don't think it'd be any surprise to you that authentic is winning. But you have no idea how many times I hold back. How much I say "I can't tell them that. I can't talk about that. I can't open up that much."
And I take it to God in prayer. Somethings I totally know and understand are not meant for this public an airing.
Other things I think He may be calling me to show, to share, to let you in on. Even though it's messy and it's painful and confusing.
I think I am being called to be more and more authentic. I admire the polished blogs that keep the details private... but I think my calling is to live an open life, and show you my heart. Sometimes it's not as pretty, but it is my hope that in time, you will see the transformation that God and I have seen in my heart over the years, the transformation that only comes from the long and lasting contact with God Almighty, from persistance and desperately clinging to Him.
So I'm going to be praying and sharing. I'm going to be letting you in to some of my fears and my flaws. I'm going to invite you along on this journey. I admit I have some of the fear of man. I freak out a little wondering what your reaction will be... but I also know this blog isn't about me. It never has been. So I have to set myself aside and show you more of me. Which sounds bizarre, I agree. It feels bizarre. But I also feel that whisper of confirmation. This is the right path for us. For you, for me, and for God. This blog is ours. We're in this together.