Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Laugh! (7 Funny Stories)

Yesterday I was having a hard time posting. I was going to write you something profound and deep... but couldn't find the words so I just did  simple "thanks" post.

my late goats, Henry and Blake
But today, I was telling some funny stories and it hit me today I will focus on humor. Because God created laughter.

Without further ado, some funny stories:

1. When I was in high school I went to school with this button up shirt on one day. I'd gone to my locker between classes and after I swung my back pack up to my shoulder I did it in *just* the wrong way so that it caught on the top button and just pulled them all open and BAM my bra was showing for the whole hall to see.

me, from a dance recital when I was 6
2. When I was in high school, I was in gifted art and to be funny I'd taken my fingers covered in paint and run them over my face. I totally forgot about it and afterwards I went to my sister's volleyball game.

After the game was over, my middle school gym teacher came up with concern on her face saying, "What happened to you?" Then she furrowed her brow and stared at me and I had a lightbulb moment and said, "Oh! I have paint all over my face, don't I?"

And she stormed off muttering, "I sat there the whole time thinking you'd been a horrible accident or something..." Oops.

3. Freshman year of college several friends and I were standing in front of a dorm and decided to hop the railing so we were standing on the edge, facing out. I don't know why we thought this was a good idea. Then they decided to get down... by jumping the four or five feet to the ground. I am very clumsy when it comes to jumping, and would have rather clambored back over the railing and taken the stairs, but they had jumped down so neatly and were impatient and saying "Come on!" and I told myself, if they can do it you can do it. (Hahahaha! I need to stop thinking that) So I jumped.

I landed flat on my butt. They were surprised at my clumsiness (I wasn't) and as they helped me up I felt a breeze....

My pants had split neatly right across my butt so my underwear was hanging out. No wait, my favorite pants had split right across the butt so my underwear was hanging out. I had to put my hands on my rear and walk stiffly to my dorm room (which luckily was one building over!)

4. In college the founder of Wikipedia, Jimmy Wales, came and spoke to us. I was in the auditorium and my cell phone started going off.. which was awful because I'd actually turned it off! But I'd sat down in just the wrong way as to push the buttons that not only turned it on, but pocket dialed someone on speakphone. Redfaced, I was fumbling trying to turn it off and someone behind me hissed "Take out the battery!" so I tried...

And my battery and the back of my phone flew across the auditorium floor. Jimmy Wales and everyone stopped and looked at me while I tried to pick them up and he paused his speech until I sat back down.

So not kidding.

me, in a wig in high school
5. Just the other day, when Tabby and I were hanging out we went to Salvation Army and there was a wedding dress that was my size. It wasn't my style at all, but just to be funny Tabby urged me to try it on. I told her only if she'd try on a bridesmaid gown.

The fitting rooms were full so we stood there waiting, our dresses over our arms, side by side. Remember, Tabby is pregnant with twins. A lady said to Tabitha "Having a wedding soon?"

"Yep," she said, since she's my matron of honor.

"Well, it's never too late," she said. I was confused, but then a fitting room opened up...

Then we realized she thought Tabby was the bride... and very pregnant. She must not have noticed Tabby's wedding rings! We laughed and I offered to walk up to the woman and say loudly something about my wedding so she'd over hear, but Tabby said it was fine and we left it alone.

6. Tabitha works at a Bowling Alley/Roller Skating place. So one day we decide to roller skate. I had done it a few times, since she's been working there a while, but I am so stiff. I could roller skate as a kid, but I guess I developed curves which totally threw off my center of gravity. So I would rollerskate stiff as a board, shifting my feet like one inch at a time to creep forward. I felt like if I didn't, I'd fall flat on my butt.

But I was watching all the other skaters and they were loosely gliding around like hyper swans and I thought, "If they can be so loose and not fall over, why would you fall if you unstiffened?"

So I relaxed. I didn't like make a big motion or spin or even move at all really.  I just relaxed.

And BAM! I landed on my tailbone.

7. When I was in high school we'd have (mandatory) pep rallies where they'd do some crazy contest or something you'd have to sign up for in advance. They had a dancing competition one and I was too chicken to sign up, and I then sat in the stands watching those who had and I thought, "I'm not going to miss out on something more fun than sitting in the bleachers because I'm scared. Next time they offer something like this, no matter what it is, you're signing up."

So the next time they offered... karaoke!

So I signed up and selected "You Can't Hurry Love"...

The day I was to sing, I got up there and I sang... my nerves were through the roof though. I love, love, love, love to sing... but I can't sing in front of people, solo, without being a basket case.

So afterwards, I hurried to my friends and they told me I was great. I asked, "Could you tell I was shaking?"

And they said, "Shaking?"
(and this is where, when I tell this story, people always smile, thinking this story is a case of 'Conquer your fear, it will be a-okay, no will notice, etc')
They said, "Shaking? We thought you were doing some kind of funky dance!"


Hoping at least one of these 100% true antidotes from my own life made you smile! Love you all!

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