I'm sitting next to my mom, watching "Too Cute" this ridiculous but fun show on Animal Planet. Just spending some time together.
One of my suitcases weighs 57 pounds, the other 48 1/2, so I have to discard somethings, but for now I'm chilling.
I leave tomorrow evening. I have a good day planned with the family.
When I went to college I came home every summer. Then I graduated and didn't have a job and moved home. I didn't expect to stay here, and was sad and all... but I have stayed here.
So now, at twenty-six, I'm really truly leaving home for the first time. I mean, those four years in college do count, and I can't say I lived at home during that time. I had lessons on roommates and all that. I learned about myself...
The truth is, I'm not sure that something that big can really be grasped until it's experienced. Do I intellectually understand what is happening? Yes. Have I emotionally embraced some of the pain of separation and fear of the unknown that are common to the human condition? Yes. Have I cried some? Yes. Am I excited? Yes. Am I confident that this is the right thing for my life? Yes.
But is it sinking in?
I guess the answer is yes... but it's a slow seep. There's some flooding on the ground, but some of this water of change has seeped into my soil. It's sinking in... but it's not all there yet.
|and more Sophie!|
And I don't think it will be all there yet until I am in India, and I am not there yet.
And even then, I think the realization will be slow. I anticipated lows and highs, the tide of culture shock.
But I think I'll be okay. I'll have Ryan and I'll have God. And thanks be to Him, I also will have the technological amazingness that is 2012. I can skype. I can type on this blog. I can call home via the internet for free. People can call and text me for free. I will email and be emailed, facebook and be facebooked. This doesn't mean broken connections, just changed ones.
And when I compare this to what people did when they like went west on a pioneer trail for example or got on a ship to go from Europe to America... or to India. Well, that was so much braver and more overwhelming than what I am doing. Makes this all seem melodramatic. If I miss someone's voice I can call them. If I miss someone's face I can skype them... or facebook stalk them.
I'll be okay. And omigoodness, India! What an adventure....
What a joy!