Hiatus

My computer is about to die. Not forever, but today I went over to my friend Tabitha's house and brought my netbook... and left the charger. I don't know when I'll get it back, so until I do, I probably won't be able to blog.


Craziness.

Psalm Sunday

It's Psalm Sunday! Each Sunday I'll continue posting the next step of the Psalm Journey until it is completed. To read any Psalm in full, click on its name. To read other Psalm Sunday posts, click the button to the left. Below I've provided one verse that stood out for one reason or another, and then do a brief reflection on the psalm. 

Psalm 86- "Incline your ear, O LORD, and answer me,
     for I am poor and needy" v. 1
I am poor and needy. I need you so much, God! Harken to me, Beloved, I am hurting.

Psalm 87- "Singers and dancers alike say,
    'All my springs are in you'" v. 7
God, well of creativity! Better than a muse. Inspiring God! Fount of life, unending.

Psalm 88- "Do you work wonders for the dead? Do the shades rise up to praise you? Selah" v. 10
This is a bleak Psalm of a mortal heart. While not hopeful and very pessimistic, the Psalmist is turning to God. In this, he is right.

Psalm 89- "Blessed be the LORD forever. Amen and Amen." v. 52
fascinating Psalm. Mostly a Psalm of praise and wonder- and then switches suddenly. You should read it. I have thoughts, but they are too long for here.

Psam 90- "Satisfy us in the morning, with your steadfast love, so that we may rejoice and be glad all our days" v. 14
Yes God. Let me know more of your love.

Psalm 91- "You who live in the shelter of the Most High,
    who abide in the shadow of the Almighty" v. 1
This is a famous Psalm of God's protection. And this is how it starts. LORD, may I be one who lives in your shelter, in the shadow of your wings!

Psalm 92- "It is good to give thanks to the LORD, to sing praises to your O Most High" v. 1
This Psalm praises God. The verse above reminds me of the liturgy "It is right to give Him thanks and praise. It is good and joyful thing, always and everywhere to give thanks to you, Father Almight, Creator of heaven and earth."

Psalm 93- "your throne is established from old; You are from everlasting" v. 2
Your reign is established, O Lord. I put my faith and hope in thee, my sure deliverer.

Psalm 94- "O LORD, you God of vengeance, you God of vengeance shine forth!" v. 1
We're all familiar with 'Vengeance is the LORD's" (and if not we should be) If you feel vengeful, stop. To take vengeance is to rob God. Vengeance is His. IF you are vengeful, take it to God and hand it over. Then forgive. It is hard, yes, but is the only way to Live and walk with God.

Psalm 95- "Let us come into his presence with thanskgiving' let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise." v. 2
Yes, Lord, may we abide in your presence. May we praise and thank you with our lives. And keep our hearts soft. Reside in us and show us more and more of You.

Book Review: God Gave Us Love by Bergren

God Gave Us Love  by Lisa Tawn Bergren is an adorable little board book.  Little Bear is fishing with her grandfather and is annoyed that some frisky otters are chasing all the fish away.  Her grandfather uses the incident to explain that we need to love even the otters in our lives because God gave us love. 

In children friendly terms the book delves  into the nature of love, different types of love, and how we should choose to love even when we don't like someone.  Grampa also explains about how Little Bear will never lose God’s love and that He loved her enough to send His Son to save us. The illustrations are adorable and brightly colored.  It is a board book, perfect for little ones.

I thought it was very sweet. I especially liked the otters and how Little Bear compares how the otters annoy her to how she feels about her brother and sister. It made me smile recalling how I felt about my own sisters in childhood.  I would recommend this book. I think you and your children would enjoy it.

I received this book free from the publishers in exchange for my unbiased review.

Preparation Thursday

This week has been one of serious conversations and thoughts. My birthday made me face some feelings and thoughts I didn't even know were brewing under the surface.

For one, I've been facing some feelings of inadequacy and failure. I'm twenty-six now... I was twenty-two when I graduated college. That means I'm approaching having spent as much time since college as I spent in college. And as far as the outward things go, not much has changed since I graduated. I'm unemployed, unmarried, car-less, broke, and living with my parents.

I've had three jobs. I'm with a different guy. I've had lots of cool experiences. And I am definitely a different person. God had stretched and grown me.

But I admit I'm not so grown that it doesn't rankle me. I want something different. I want change. It's coming... but if you'd asked me four years ago I'd have said it was coming. In many ways it's been four years of waiting.

Of course, it's when we wait on the Lord, more so then when we act with the Lord, that growth comes.  God has been preparing me for my future with Him. But when I think of the fact that I've almost spent as much time out of college as I did in it, and I think of how much happened and how much I changed during those four blessed years at Converse, I  realize I look at these four years and it just seems like an extended (wayy extended) summer break. I'm still waiting for the "school year" to start. I don't literally mean I'm waiting to go back to school, but this seems like the unreal part.

So, this has inspired some impatience in me. I've been saying things to Ryan like "Let's just get married!"  Honestly, I'm 100% convinced Ryan is the one, and I just want to be married to him.

And this week Ryan and I have been tossing all sorts of possibilities around. My mom has been putting pressure on us to have Ryan come here to visit instead of me going there. We don't really have the money even for one pre-married visit, but we have faith we can find it. We've been thinking I'd take it that is that I'd go to India to visit. Since I'm moving there I don't really want to move sight unseen. I want to be able to mentally and emotionally prepare from having seen it...

However, since we really don't know if we can even afford that, we certainly can't afford two visits unless a miracle happens. So Ryan won't meet my family and friends. He won't see where I grew up, where I'm from. He won't visit my church and my Bible Study family. But we wish he could...

And Ryan is thinking (and Mom applying pressure doesn't help) that maybe instead of me going to India, he does come here. And it's not a horrible idea.

And I think, if Ryan is coming here, I'd want to have a wedding.

Not a legal one. Maybe not even a real one, that is, perhaps it'd be like a ceremony to bless our future union, not one where we exchange vows. After all, this could be months before our legal wedding in India. But it's been breaking my heart to think of getting married without my parents there.  So even if it's the first time Ryan and I see each other in person, and even if he only visits for two weeks, I think I'd want a small wedding thing. Something at my church with perhaps hotdogs afterwards. Nothing has to be that big, but I want my dad to walk me down the aisle. I want to have my friends and sisters stand up with me. I want my mom to be there.

Then I mention it to Mom and she freaks out at the idea of planning that kind of deal without having met Ryan first.

Grr!!!!

I feel insulted. People act like I'm doing something stupid or dangerous. Look if I was rich, Ryan and I would have met a long time ago in person. But we're not. 

I'm not a reckless person. I have never been arrested. I've never done drugs. I've never gotten drunk. Why do people persist to think they have to caution me like I'm ruining my life because I'm planning to marry my wonderful of almost two years who loves Jesus and me? 

I do know that marriage is serious and sacred. Believe me. Ryan does too. We're talking about it, reading books preparing for marriage. We plan on going through pre-maritial counseling both with my church and his. It is not our fault we are 8,000 miles apart. But God did bring us together.

God even told us, when we prayerfully asked, to get married "sooner" rather than "later".  I'll tell you about it if you want.

We're not reckless. We are prayerful. We're not crazy. We're careful. I'm twenty-six years old, not sixteen. Respect that and understand I'm not driven by hormones or fairy tales but by faith in Christ and love of a dear, sweet man.

So please if you love me, support us. God has a unique path for each of us and I think some of those who struggle to support me struggle because my path is so different from what they are used to, or even what they'd hoped for me. But this is my path and I am happy to walk it. God walks alongside us.

If you don't support us... well, I'll pray about it. But it's getting harder for me to deal with. I love you too.

So that's what's been coursing through me as I prepare this week.  A bit different from other Preparaton Thursdays.

Yarn Along

Just in case you don't know what yarn along is (I realized I never really explained this on my blog) it's where a bunch of bloggers share their yarn projects (knitting, crocheting) and what books they're reading. Since I'm obviously an avid reader and I also like to be crafty, I enjoy joining in.

Last week I shared I finished (temporarily) baby blankets for my best friend's twins. I'll add a border to them according to the baby's genders when we find out what she's having! So this week I started a new project... another baby blanket!  I realized looking at my yarn that I had enough left over to do a new one. This time I'm doing double crochet (last was half double crochet).  No, I don't know what baby will get this blanket; but God does. So I'm still doing out of love.

As far as books go, I'm still working on the Bible of course (doing at Bible in 90 days challenge).  I actually read The Christian Lover pictured above a while ago, but I just got it in the mail... that publisher gives ebooks to review, then sends you print books after you review (I think that's pretty cool; some publishers only have ebooks).  So I'm saying "yay it arrived" and also using it as a stand in for The Donkey Who Carried A King, whichI read this week. It is from the same publisher and I reviewed as an ebook.  It's a cute children's book and so is God Gave Us Love, which I'll probably be reviewing any day now.  The last book up there, The Road to Grace, I'm only like a chapter in so far.

After this baby blanket, I already have another project lined up... and no, it's not another blanket. :)

Birthday and Blessings

I've not really written anything on this blog since my birthday.
I find it strange that I've come to a place where a book review doesn't count as "writing anything" but somehow, it doesn't. (And the Psalm Journey I did a long time ago; I just publish them on Sundays.)

I didn't do my "blessings" post yesterday. I seem to not get online on Mondays that often anymore.

My birthday (Friday) was good. I started it out taking Sophie to the vet for her follow-up. Truth is, she needs more than I can give her right now. She's gotten way better since her last visit, but I feel frustrated by my inability to get rid of the source of her problem (an unknown allergy) so that she's still having to wear her cone.

So we got refills of the prescriptions that needed to be refilled and basically we'll stalling for time because I can't afford to do more than that right now.

one of the beautiful journals I got

But I'm blessed that she is improved from where she was, and hopefully I'll be able to do more for her in the future.

My parents got me a game for the Wii (we have a Wii, but this is the first game of my own I've ever had) and a three pack of these beautiful journals (I've been wanting a new journal. I love them!). Those are fun gifts.  I also will be getting a Nook cover, but we're talking about how that will happen.  I'm blessed by my parents and these gifts.

I got to talk to Ryan for a while. I'm always blessed by him.

I didn't have a ride to my normal Friday night Bible Study, so I facebooked the people of my Bible Study and used the whole "hey, it's my birthday" excuse to see if someone would come get me. It worked! I was able to go.

Bible Study was good. We watched a video, which I have to admit isn't my most favorite thing. We don't do it that often. I like a normal, meaty dive into the scriptures study better... but it was good. And a friend of mine from Canterbury came, one of the ones I hung out with last weekend.  He lives near where we hold Bible Study, so I'd invited him.

I'm very blessed by my friendships in Bible Study and Canterbury too. And I was blessed to get a sweet birthday card from my Friday night family.

On Saturday I got a birthday card from my grandparents along with their gift. I'm very blessed to have them and love and miss them very much. Last year I was blessed to go to New Jersey and celebrate my birthday with them.

On Sunday I was blessed to go to church. My church was having a church wide pre-lenten program instead of normal Sunday School... but my Sunday School class opted out and met anyway. We're going through the Bible. We're still in Genesis. I don't think we'll be out of the Pentateuch, for sure, before I leave for India. I'll be surprised if we leave Exodus.  But I'm fond of them.

Then... the service was incredible.  The big thing was how as a church we rallied around someone who is going through a crisis.  I don't feel like going into details on this public site since I don't know how those involved feel about that.  But it was extremely moving. Everyone had tears in their eyes and were hugging each other for the Peace. I am so incredibly blessed to be a part of this church family. And I'm excited we're starting a new program for getting to know one another. The fellowship, encouragement, and building up of members of a church are such an essential part of being healthy in Christ.

My parents went out for a date Sunday night and I fell asleep wayyy early. My mom woke me up when she got back to tell me they'd brought me back Cheddar Bay Biscuits from Red Lobster and she'd gotten me yarn for a project she and I had been discussing. More on that later. But I was blessed by both...

I woke up really early Monday (if you can even call it that) and had the biscuits and leftover lasagna rolls from Saturday for "breakfast".  I never got online all day. I'm... on and off in a funk lately. I went to bed early again (though not as early as Sunday).

Today I was blessed enough to wake up at a normal-ish time.

I have a lot I probably need to talk to you about.  I think I'm hiding from it.  But I'm blessed to have this blog. And I'm blessed to have every single one of you who read this.  I honestly am so grateful for each of you.

I am wondering what I should say and what I shouldn't. If I share what I struggle with, am I complaining? If I keep my mouth shut, am I being fake or hypocritical? These aren't things you can answer, dear reader. God will do it though.  I'm struggling with my birthday. Not because I've grown older... but that's all I'll say right now.

Love to you all. I thank God for you all.

Book Review: The Donkey Who Carried a King by R. C. Sproul

It was my pleasure to review this adorable children's book.  It starts out with Reilly, a little boy who is sad because the other children pick him last for sports.  His grandfather decides to share with him the story of Davey the Donkey, who carried Jesus on Palm Sunday. 

I admit I get skittish about kids being taught Bible stories with extra details that aren't in the Bible itself.  I get concerned they might remember "Davey" or other details as "gospel truth" and therefore have a wrong impression of Biblical Truth. However, I think that the way that Sproul introduces this as a story told by Reilly's grandfather combined with the "Understanding the Story" section in the back of the book help alleviate those concerns.  I thought it was really cool that not only did the story talk about Davey's experiences with Jesus, we also heard a couple stories of "famous donkeys in history" like the donkey which talked to Baalam and the donkey which carried Mary and witnessed our Lord's birth.

The message of the story is about gratitude and contentment, especially in light of Christ's love and sacrifice for us. It encourages children and readers of all ages to have a willing, serving heart.  My favorite part is actually the illustrations. I love Davey and think your kids will too; he's so cute! I definitely recommend this book to add to your child’s library.

I received this book free from the publisher in exchanged for my unbiased review.

Psalm Sunday

It's Psalm Sunday! Each Sunday I'll continue posting the next step of the Psalm Journey until it is completed. To read any Psalm in full, click on its name. To read other Psalm Sunday posts, click the button to the left. Below I've provided one verse that stood out for one reason or another, and then do a brief reflection on the psalm. 

Psalm 76- "Glorious are you, more majestic than the everlasting mountains" v. 4
Glorious indeed! May the hearts of all people from you, O my God! 

Psalm 77-"Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable?" v.7
This recalls my heart to a time in my life when I believed the Lord has removed intimacy from our relationship because of my sin and unfaithfulness. I tried and tried to regain the intimacy of my youth, when I had sought him upon my bed and in the Holy Bible, but He seemed to hide from me. Then a friend came and showed me His ever faithful and I need not try but instead to abide. Nothing I can do creates the intimacy- when I tried under my own power, I didn't find Him because it only through His power I can approach the most Holy God. It is not anything that I did which enabled me to garner friendship with Him, but instead what He did at the cross for me. When I focused not on earning His favor but instead seeking Him and the love with which to gain Him that I fell in love with Him. And I was not restored to the intimacy of my youth, but instead introduced to a greater intimacy and love than I had ever known.

Psalm 78- "Yet he, being compassionate, forgave their iniquity, and did not destroy them; often he restrained his anger, and did not stir up all his wrath." v. 38
This Psalm tells of the history of the people of Israel's rebellion and God's reaction. It shows the injustice of faithlessness towards our glorious King, worthy to be praised. Humble my heart, O God, and show me how to serve you best. I am in your hands, as I always was, but willingly. Destroy me, lift me up, whatever. The choice is yours, as it always was, and You are ever just.

Psalm 79- "Then we your people, the flock of your pasture, will give thanks to you forever, from generation to generation we recount your praise." v.13
Let us lift up a sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving, dear sweet One, Worthy One!

Psalm 80- "Restore us, O LORD God of hosts; let your face shine, that we may be saved" v. 19
My heart sings for the lost, that they may know you, that there would be True purpose to their existance. You alone are the Alpha and Omega.

Psalm 81- "In distress you called, and I rescued you; I answered you in the secret place of thunder; I tested you at the waters of Meribah. Selah" v. 7
He tested and Israel was found wanting; God was found holy.

Psalm 82- "They have neither knowledge nor understanding, they walk around in darkness; all the foundations of the earth are shaken" v. 5
This is an interesting Psalm which requires further study. This verse, however, well feel I am a "they" in this, maybe. Seeking God.

Psalm 83- "Let them know that you alone, whose name is the LORD, are the Most High over all the earth" v. 18
Rests in you.

Psalm 84- "Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young at your altar, O LORD of hosts, our King and my God" v. 3What an interesting picture! I never thought of birds nesting in the temple! (btw, v. 10 is one of my favorite songs!)


Psalm 85- "Let me hear what God the LORD will speak, for he will speak peace to his people and his faithful, those who turn to him in their hearts" v. 8
O heart in me, be ever toward the LORD our God! May He speak peace to us, and whisper His blessing.

Linking up to Brag on God. 

And the winner is...

Lydia A.!

I will be in touch so you can get your copy of Healing Your Church Hurt.

Yay!

Preparation Thursday

This week I've mainly prepped in prayer.

Ryan had a job interview and more in the getting-a-job process. He got emails and calls from several jobs.

We still don't know anything for certain, at least so far as I know, as I write this...

So we pray.

My mom, praise God, is a phone warrior. I, on the other hand, am a shrinking violet when it comes to bureaucrats so she's been calling around on my behalf about the passport. We've gotten some answers, we've got some steps to do...

Can the government really need to know the date I was baptized? Are they allowed to care about that?

Anyway, other than that I suppose the most prepatory thing that's been going on has been Ryan and I working on our relationship.

I love that man.

Oh! One fun thing I did was watch a House Hunters International with my mom about a newlywed couple in India. They were in Mumbai, which isn't close to where we are, and had a budget way beyond what we'll have... but it was still fun to look at typical Indian apartments.  Ryan's described them to me, but it was fun to look at them.  Their bathrooms and kitchens are especially different from American ones. They don't have ovens, but instead have gas powered stovetops (you provide the cans).  There are pretty much no bathtubs and the showers aren't really in a defined space in the bathroom (like a shower stall) but instead typically the whole area is tiled or whatever and the showerhead comes out of the wall. Picture a gym locker room shower, with a toilet and sink to the side.  Sufficient.

I'm looking forward to it.  I have told Ryan I expect to get an oven in time (toaster oven will be fine) because honestly, how can you have a kitchen with no baking? That's weird to me.

I've never had my own kitchen.

Yarn Along

Since last week I started with the baby blankets, this week I'll start with the books.

I finished, reviewed, and am giving away a copy of Healing Your Church Hurt by Stephen Mansfield. I really am excited about this first giveaway on my blog, ever (yes, I know I mentioned that before!) It's a lot of fun... especially since I get to give it away on my birthday! (Friday) I like the poetry of giving one of my readers a gift on my birthday. Feel free to enter! Keep for yourself or someone you know.

I read a few free novels on my Nook. Romances: To Love Anew by Bonnie Leon, Homespun Bride by Jillian Hart, and Hide in Plain Sight by Marta Perry. They were each fun and relaxing distractions.

I'm also of course working on reading the Bible for the 90 days challenge I'm doing.

Okay, now onto the blankets! I have finished them... sort of.  I will be adding borders onto them when Tabby finds out the genders of the twins... which may be as far away as April.  So after taking these pictures I stowed them away to keep them safe.

I think they turned out pretty well so far.  I did get the white tangled just as I was doing those three rows at the outer edge and took like a full day to untangle it. What is it about yarn that tangles so?

Now I'm deciding on my next project... I'm pretty sure what I'm going to do.  You'll see next week!

I'm Blessed

So I didn't do the typical "I'm Blessed" post yesterday since I was posting my giveaway.  But I'm doing it today!

So my first thing to Thank God about is that I'm blessed enough to get the opportunity to have my first giveaway on my blog (if you haven't entered yet, here's the post).

Secondly right now Ryan is taking a test that could lead to a job. We are very blessed by this opportunity and praying about it!

I'm blessed by the love of an amazing man I adore. Happy Valentine's, my darling Ryan!

Third I'm blessed by amazing friends who made my Sunday fabulous.

I'm also blessed by my Sophie dog getting better.

I'm blessed I was able to order glasses this weekend!

I'm blessed with things coming along.

I'm blessed with being able to continue my Valentine's tradition of chick flicks and chocolates (I watched Eclipse from the Twilight saga.. doesn't get more chick flick-y than that!)

Honestly, I'm just filled with love and gratitude for what God has given me. I was blessed this week to see prayers answered and people sustained. I am just soooo blessed by grace and love and encouragement.

Thank you God!!!

Linking up to I'm Blessed.

GIVEAWAY! (Healing Your Church Hurt)

Yay!

You can win a copy of Healing Your Church Hurt by Stephen Mansfield right here! You can read my review for this book here. It's a really great book.

Use the rafflecopter form below. Each thing will earn you one entry (up to four) and the drawing will take place on Friday! (Fun! I get to give one of you a gift on my birthday!)

I'm praying that God gives this book to just the right person! 

Psalm Sunday

It's Psalm Sunday! Each Sunday I'll continue posting the next step of the Psalm Journey until it is completed. To read any Psalm in full, click the link on its name. Otherwise, I've provided one verse that stood out for one reason or another, and then do a brief reflection.

Psalm 66- "Who rules by his might forever,
     whose eyes keep watch on the nations-
     let the rebellious not exalt themselves. Selah." v. 7
So often we laud rebels as if there is anything to be prideful about in that title. Sometimes we are called to challenge something, from a humble heart, that is wrong for righteousness sake. A lot of other times rebellion is simply Self getting its way. I think of how Moses was challenged in Numbers 16. Keep my heart humble to recognize your authority give to leaders, even when I have trouble seeing with mortal eyes.

Psalm 67- "let the peoples praise you, O God;
      let all the peoples praise you." v. 3
Yes, praise Him! Let us all rejoice for He is God!

Psalm 68- "Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation." v. 19
He is our salvation. In general this psalm lauds the physical temple and status as residence of the LORD in the OT times. But I tremble to think that God chose to dwell with us- and now with me. O holy God! How apt am I to forget to bless you! Have mercy on my foolish heart and bring me into a greater understanding of WHO YOU ARE!

Psalm 69- "They gave me poison for food, and for my thirst they gave me vinegar to drink" v. 21
I am moved when I see Christ in places of the Bible he is not obvious. This is a psalm of David and mainly is about one who is being persecuted for waiting on the LORD, especially through cruelty and mocking. This vinegar reference is just a small nod to Christ, but it burned me. It is a reminder that in the sufferings of His people, Christ is there.

Psalm 70- "But I am poor and needy; hasten to me, O God!
     You are my help and my deliverer, O LORD do not delay" v. 5
I know the feeling!

Psalm 71- "Be to me a rock of refuge, a strong fortress,
      to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress" v. 3
I pray like this a lot- I pray for God to come through in one way, then affirm that He is that. For example "save me, for you are my Savior". I think it is a bit of "I belief, but help my unbelief". Sometimes praying that He is who He says He is- our rock, our fortress, our refuge, our Savior, etc- helps our faith. This Psalm ends on a strong note, possibly because the psalmist reassured his soul with reiterating Truth.

Psalm 72- "The Prayers of David son of Jesse are ended" v. 20
This Psalm is attributed to Solomon. From that and this verse, I take it this was written by Solomon at the event of David's death. Seeing that gives this Psalm more context and meaning.

Psalm 73- "until I went into the sanctuary of God;
     then I perceived their end" v. 17
I've done Bible Study on this Psalm before. It's a real gem if you're struggling with "why do the wicked prosper?" The psalmist struggled with this until God revealed to him the Truth of this and he humbled his heart and his bitterness turned to praise.

Psalm 74- "Yet God, my King is from old, working salvation in the earth" v. 12
Bad things have happened, devastating this... yet.
God is True and good.

Psalm 75- "All the horns of the wicked I will cut off, but the horns of the righteous shall be exalted." v. 10
This brings in mind the apocalyptic symbols of horns. I won't go into all that complicatedness here, but I hold this close to my heart- He will cut off the horns of the wicked.

Book Review: Healing Your Church Hurt by Stephen Mansfield

This review is especially exciting because I will giving a copy of Healing Your Church Hurt by Stephen Mansfield away! You can read an except of the book here. You can enter the giveaway here.

Healing Your Church Hurt was very good.  It's written especially for those who have been severely hurt by church in the past to the point of leaving.  I had a church hurt when I was young, which God healed in me several years ago, so I could relate, but I never had something the extent of the target group. Despite that I actually found that much of the advice given was applicable even to me. I think it is a book that does address the topic well, but also would be helpful to a broader audience.

Mansfield describes himself as being a "coach" and proclaims he's being very tough on the readers, but in reality I thought he had a perfect touch; delicate enough to not scar itself, but real enough to get to the root of the problems. And, of course, at the root of the problem there is something that has caused pain in the reader, so facing that can be quite painful.  But Mansfield himself is as gentle as a skilled surgeon; he only "cuts" where it is necessary to correct the damage.

The reason for the "church hurt" is not made important by Mansfield. It's not that he claims it's irrelevant, but he wrote the book to help everyone from those who left a church because of deep, raw betrayal (like sabotage or abuse) to those who left because they just felt their voice wasn't hurt on issues important to them. He doesn't do the work of healing for them, but instead just guides them through recognizing and confessing their pain and acknowledges real healing is between them and God. His goal is to bring these wounded believers not just back to the church, but to bring them through this trial with stronger faith and as those who have overcome.

In the end reconciling hurt believers is an issue for all Christians, whether we've been hurt or not, because the Bible is not vague in the slightest that we need each other.  There is a large percent of the Body of Christ which is alienated from their brethren and need to be re-embraced. Whether you need this book or know someone who needs this or not, if you are a Christian you should join me in prayer for those who do! (Oh, and apparently this had been previously published under the name ReChurch).


I received this book free from the publisher, Tyndale, in exchange for my unbiased review.

Don't forget to come back to enter the giveaway on Monday! I'll do the drawing on Friday (my birthday!)

Water Jars

When I was just reading in Jesus the Evangelist, the author was calling us to consider what "water jars" we've left for Jesus. He referring to the story of the Samaritan woman by the well. When she realizes that Jesus is the Messiah, she abandons her water jar and runs into town telling others to "Come!"  When she left for the well that day the whole purpose of even going was to fill up her jar and get water for herself and her household. But in the light of encountering Christ, that ceased to be of the utmost importance.

So I sat here and I thought, "What water jars have I left behind?"  I can think of a few.  For instance, when I was in middle school I was dead serious about becoming a professional singer. I tried to be "on" everytime I sang along with the radio. I would practice enunciation on the school bus home. I wrote songs constantly.

But in the eighth grade I had an encounter with God. Among other things, He told me not to make many plans, because He had plans for me. And afterwards, as I puzzled over what that could possibly mean, not much seemed clear about it... but one thing did. My plan had been to be a professional singer.  So I let that go, and left my future wide open for God to plan. I have never regretted it, despite the flack I've gotten for not having a "direction".

Now I'll be honest. While I don't have a bad voice, I probably wouldn't have made it as a professional singer. I realize that. And while I had zeroed in on singing for a few years, it hadn't been what I was striving towards since infancy, so it's possible even without divine intervention I would have changed my focus.  I'm not saying I gave up much for Him with that choice. I'm not asking you to see me as great or even sort of good.

What I am trying to show you is God is worth giving up it all.

My junior year of college, I had grown in the Lord and my current boyfriend and actually fiance, Eric, wasn't that comfortable with that. Despite a verbal confession of faith, Eric was getting annoyed by my new sense of devotion.  I think you could adequately say he was jealous of God.  Before, I'd probably idolized Eric, but God was making me fall deeper and deeper in love with Himself.  I wasn't worried about Eric, because I'd not been that deep in my faith and Eric did say he was a Christian. So I figured the more I shone out Christ's love from spending time with Him, the more Eric would respond by drawing closer to God himself. After all, that had been my own response to seeing that light shining out from my friend's lives.

Instead, Eric seemed to get irritated or even angry by my transformation that was ever taking place. It culminated one night in a fight.  Eric kept saying he "couldn't compete with God" and I felt myself brace for him to ask me to choose between him and God.  Now I loved Eric. I loved him deeply. As I said, I think I may have set him up as an idol and my love for him had not decreased, but instead my love for God just transcended that.  I loved Eric unconditionally and fiercely. But as I braced for the choice, and I whispered to my soul, "What if he asks me to choose?" the answer was clear.  God. This time. Anytime. Always. Always.

And while part of me in keen pain at the very thought of losing Eric, peace descended me and I got that feeling of the divine "yes." That's the best way I can describe it.  I felt wrapped up in God as I knew, without a doubt, I'd never choose Eric or any other man over my God.

But Eric didn't make me choose. At the time, I took that to mean he wasn't fighting God as much as he seemed to be and a sign that in time he'd grow spiritually. Well, I hope that is true. For those of you who know the rest of the story, it turned out our entire relationship had been built on lies and he betrayed me in some of the worst ways (yes, plural) a person can be betrayed.  But the truth is, from that time on, I had prayed if I should be in the relationship with Eric. And I had always gotten the yes.  So when it ended and I felt like I'd been cleaved in two, I also felt I was at peace and whole.

In that situation, God didn't make me put the water jar down then. But He did put me in a situation where the question came, "Would you put down this water jar for God?" And at my yes, He said, "You don't have to..." And then later, the time came naturally when the jar was taken from my arms and I do see purpose in both the letting go and the continued carrying.

It's amazing how you can feel such things in Christ.  There's the true you, who is unshaken and at peace in God, and then this earthly expression of you, which gets sandblasted and walks on sinking sand. But the truth is, I knew I'd been persistently prayerful in my relationship, and that all the betrayal and pain I was walking through, well God knew it was coming. And if He had told me to walk this path even though He knew this was awaiting me, then He must have intended this for my good. And I hung onto it. I also found myself rejoicing because even though Eric had lied in so many ways, and cheated on me, and all that, I could pray for him. And there was such freedom and hope in that. So whenever Eric comes to my mind, I pray for him, full of holy love for him.  There's no chance of anything romantic happening there again, ever, don't get me wrong. But I still love Eric fiercely and unconditionally. I just no longer love him with the love of a lovesick young woman, but with the holy and unending love of the Savior of the world who lives in me.

These aren't my only water jars, and there may be better examples that fit in the pattern. But as I read that and reflected, I thought, "Have I ever opened up to my blog about these things? Have I ever really shared?" Honestly, I'm not sure.

There are water jars God is having me put down daily. Especially in regards to India. But you see, I am ready to give him anything. My future, my spouse, my family, yes, even my own life. Some moments I am more a scaredy-cat than others, some moments I still cling to things that really aren't important anymore. But overall, I am ready to lay anything down for Jesus.

Because He is worth it.  So very worth it.

Linking up to Brag on God Friday.

Preparation Thursday

I didn't get to this earlier in the day... and was happy about that when Mom said, "Pam, there's a letter for you from the Department of State."

Yay, I thought, my passport! I envisioned taking a picture and showing you all...

But no.  Not my passport.

A letter telling me to send them yearbook photos in order to get a passport.

Yeah, not kidding.

Despite the fact that I gave them exactly what they were looking for, and despite the fact that a government employee looked over my application and discussed it with me before it was sent off, they say that I've not provided enough proof I am who I am. So they want anything and everything from before 2007 (why? I don't know) that has my name/picture or name/signature. School records. Yearbook photos.

On the top letter they say NO PHOTOCOPIES, only originals.

On the next page they say "Send photocopies of..." and a list. Does that mean I should send them the whole darn yearbook?

People. Seriously?

My  mom is pulling out my "Bus Conduct Reports" and other small fry paperwork from when I was in elementary school and threatening to send home videos because 'they have a date on them'. She's livid.  I guess she's taking it personally because someone is questioning the identity and honesty of her daughter.

Me? I'm just like... Sigh. Why me?

I hate being right about this, but I told you so.  Everyone keeps telling me I have nothing to be anxious about when it comes to paperwork. You probably all thought I was crazy when I wrote this post.  But the thing is, I know. This is the kind of stuff that always happens.

And when I do finally get my passport, then I have to get my visa to India. After the one visit, the second time I go to India we'll have to do the marriage license. That's a bigger deal there, because there's different procedures based on your religion.  And since most of their Christian marriage rules are based on it going through the Catholic church, it might mess up. And then we need to use the marriage info to convert my visa to a more long-term one. Then, if we get through that, we go for my P.I.O, which the Indian version of a greencard.

Just watch. I'll get deported.

Okay, no. Probably nothing that drastic. But seriously! So much opportunity for this kind of thing to happen again and again....

And then, guess what? I've got the dream of being an adoptive mommy.  Ryan and I want both biological and adopted kids. But you know, adoption is allllll paperwork.

Okay, I'm being a bit dramatic in my "oh woe is me."  Truth is I can send the Department of State lots of stuff, and if at least some of it hits the mark, they'll probably send me my passport. (I do plan on contacting my representative.  People told me to do that to hurry along my Passport and I was like "eh, why bother since we're not in a hurry and the passport office isn't backed up right now?" Yeah. Well, Rep. Gowdy's office will be hearing from me as soon as I get this stuff sent off, so that the dear old Department of State will be wading through this and will get a call from them saying, "So, how is our constituent Pamela [my last name]'s passport coming along?")

Well, it could be worse. Read this.

As far as the rest of the "Preparing for India" process goes... not much has happened this week. It was supposed to, but I dropped the ball. I suppose you could say I was using up yarn making Tabby's baby blankets.... but that'd be silly. I did make lists of stuff that will come in my first suitcase to India, stuff I can leave there. I'm first going for a visit, and I figure I'll bring stuff I can leave, start the moving process. So it has to be stuff that's important enough to me to bring, but not essential to my daily life here, since I'll be without it when I come back until when I get to India to marry. Mainly this ends up being decorative and sentimental things.  A few things I bought for my first place. A few gifts from grandparents. Etc.

Love you all.

Preparation Thursdays are about sharing what I've done to prepare for the move to India. Feel free to share what you're doing to prepare what God's shown you.

Yarn Along

Last week I began by talking about the books, so this week I'll talk about the baby blankets first.

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I told you that something was going wonky on it. I sat down with my mom and we figured it out. At first, we were really puzzled because I demonstrated what I was doing and I wasn't doing it wrong. Well, for one, I was using single crochet. I'm not sure if that was the problem, but Mom says no one really does single crochet for that, so I switched to a half double crochet. But as Mom demonstrated I realized how much looser my crochet stitches were than hers, and how much tighter my chains were than hers. And a lightbulb went off for us both and realized since I was only chaining one (very tightly) in the corners, it wasn't enough space for my very loose stitches. So I did two chains in the corner and BAM, problem solved. So here's what it looked like before I ripped it out:

And here is it done to the same size the right way:

it's not on a perfectly flat surface.

And here they are next to each other. At the same stage. You can see there's a big difference:

I ripped one out, then redid it, and waited until the other one was at the same stage before taking it apart so I could show you side by side.

I lost my crochet hook for three days (I lose everything!) so this isn't a full week worth's of stuff, but I was trying like made to make it up.  I'm really excited about how they're turning out.

Okay, onto books. I'm still doing the A Confident Heart study at Renee Swope's blog and am now in week two of the Bible in 90 days challenge. And The Scent of Cherry Blossoms was a novel I read yesterday which was fun.

I put the Nook there to represent Jesus the Evangelist, which I finished this week and reviewed yesterday.  It's not in my Nook right now though because I got my Nook fixed and they had to do a reset, and I've not transferred it back in there. But the Nook is fixed now. Yay!

I'm still reading Healing Your Church Hurt... and will be doing my very first giveaway!! I'm really excited. I'll be doing it on Monday. You should all come back and try to win.  It's really good so far!

Book Review: Eye of the Sword by Karyn Henley

Eye of the Sword by Karyn Henley is a sci-fi fantasy adventure. I found it comparable with many of the best fantasy series out there.  Fantasy is probably my favorite fiction genre, and I was riveted. My biggest "complaint" is that I'll have to wait so long to read the next in the series.

Most of the book takes place in the kingdom of Camrithia, though we also journey to Eldarra and The Dregmoors.  Our hero is Trevin, a reformed thief who is being named a Main (like a knight) of Camrithia. He is in love with the Princess Melaia, daughter of the King of Camrithia and Dreia, a now deceased angel.  While her father is trying to prepare her to rule his kingdom someday, she is more concerned with continuing her mother's work and reuniting the three harps from the destroyed Tree of Wisdom to restore the Stairway to Heaven.  Her work gets disrupted when the Prince of the Dregmoors arrives, offering peace between their two kingdoms in exchange for marrying Princess Melaia.

Trevin's fellow comains have all disappeared. He is sent by the king to find the comains, and by the princess to find the harps.  He suspects the Prince of the Dregmoors has something to do with the comains disappearance and must solve both of these quests or risk not only having his love marry another, but perhaps marrying an evil foe.  And of course, this goes beyond love, beyond Camrithia, because time is ticking away. If the harps aren't united by a certain alignment of time, the stairway will never be restored and evil will win.

It's really a great tale, filled with action, treachery, and great characters. One thing I loved about Trevin was how much depth he has. He is not a perfect Prince Charming, but instead a weary sinner in need of redemption, and yet still used for good.  Instead of sorcerers and such, this fantasy series has angels and other heavenly beings.  I'm not saying the angels are in line with Biblical angels, but this is a novel.

I highly recommend this book, and even though this is the only one of her books I'd read, based on reading it I'd check out Henley's other books as well!

I received this book free from the publishers in exchange for my unbiased review.