Dear Readers, I need your prayers.
I am very emotionally fragile right now. God is working on healing some scars in me from my past that I'd so successfully buried as to hide the truth of them from myself. My stress level is astronomical, finding me crying, yelling and shutting down in turn. This is happening by God's love in time for our wedding, so hopefully these wounds will be healed.
My sleeping disorder is flaring up horribly because it is effected by stress. And my unpredictable sleeping patterns are upsetting my future mother-in-law who as you know just had a heart attack last week so the last thing anyone wants to do is upset her. But my sleeping disorder is beyond my control (I think I need medical intervention) and she doesn't seem to get that. So my sleep stresses her, her stress stresses me, my stress makes my sleep even more eratic and the cycle continues. And we're all trying to walk on egg shells to keep her calm (ie her blood pressure low) but that carefulness is just adding to my stress until I feel like screaming and crying hysterically while punching walls. (But don't, thankfully.)
As far as wedding stuff goes we dropped the sari off at a tailor.... which will cost four times as much as we had thought it would. Also, Ryan and I have been crunching through our financials which is always stressful. I hate debt and we are in it. Ryan and I have come from different experiences and have different theories on managing and spending money. I have been in survival mode so long taking any risk makes me want to hide and taking on debt makes me fearfully hyperventilate. I am very much a fan of 'good enough'. I like second hand and bargain shopping. Ryan wants to invest, is unafraid of using credit cards and prefers to buy quality. Sigh. We are finding common ground, but it is not an easy road.
My ring still hasn't come. It's too early to worry, but Ryan scared me with tales of packages getting stolen so I am just trying to put it out of my mind.
I want to be the faith filled God girl I know I am. Please pray for my healing, endurance and joy.