Saturday, July 19, 2014

What is the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

Day 18: What is the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

Wow, that's a deep one. 

I'm debating what to answer. There's a few times that come to mind. I think I'll go with one that's deeply personal. If you know me and it's not what you were expecting then likely what you were expecting might have been another close consideration.

A few years ago I was engaged to what in the modern vernacular has come to be known as a "catfish." That term wasn't popular or possibly even coined then, I only heard it for the first time a few years ago. He toyed with me for years. He pretended to be in the military and in the end actually ended by telling me he had been killed (he pretended to be a friend of his with the sad duty of informing me.) You can imagine how devastated I was... then I started researching because obviously if someone is killed there should be some mention in the news. Not only wasn't there, but God let me find other women actually looking for him as well, other victims of this "catfish" and his fake life story. Apparently the entire time we'd been together (years) he'd been cheating on me. Yeah.

So, that was hard. BUT the Lord had actually been preparing my heart for a while and I really, really, really felt His presence. I'd actually had doubts about the guy for a while but had been praying to God and felt God was telling me to stay in the relationship. Now I know why. I think that being "off the market" with this catfish, who toyed with emotionally but never physically, kept me from making stupid mistakes with men when I obviously had poor judgment. God had a purpose in it in that this guy was a placeholder relationship for me. Since we were long distance (since I thought he was deployed) I was loyal to him, but also interacting through life much like a single woman only without the awkwardness around single men. I was able to really focus on God and my relationship with Him and it grew exponentially during that time period. God got to me to a place where I was able to forgive this man and also able to be single, truly single, for a while. I'd been single about a year when I then met Ryan! And you know the rest of that story. 

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